6 Things Every Christian Needs to Know about Adultery

First, you might think of an affair as involving just two entities, but the Bible says there is a third—God. That's because marriage is a covenant between two people before God. While wedding ceremonies increasingly occur outside of the church, that change in setting doesn't negate the spiritual reality of what's occurring. Covenants are fonts of God's richest blessings in Scripture, but they spell destruction when they are not honored. God has a vested interest in seeing your marriage prosper and kept pure. Hebrews 13:4 reads, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." That's why when Potiphar's wife propositions Joseph in the Old Testament, Joseph denies her and says, "How could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?" (Genesis 39:9). 

Even if you are feeling frustrated or disillusioned with your spouse, allow your love for God to draw you back into your covenant. Then, meet with a trusted Christian counselor—read more in slide #6 of this article.

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You might think of the immediate pleasure of an affair as adding something to your body; your physical desire would be satisfied. That may or may not be true in practice, because there is likely a gap between your imagination and reality. Regardless, the Bible is clear that adultery actually harms your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18 instructs, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body." An affair is not only a violation of your marital covenant; it is a sin against your soul (Proverbs 6:32, NKJV). What happens in the bedroom is more than just a physical act—it has spiritual implications. You are joining your body, a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19), to another. That's why Jesus says to avoid adultery at all costs, even to the extent of cutting off parts of your body that would lead you astray (Matthew 5:27–30)! 

In other words, what's harmed in an affair may not be visible, but it's really important; God wants to help you safeguard it.

There is obvious deception involved in an affair. Cheating behind the back of a spouse ushers in a web of omissions or outright deceptions. But it's key to realize that you are not the only one who is lying; you are being lied to as well. Imagine Eve in the Garden of Eden, who had multiple delights at her fingertips. Instead of being content, she wanted the one thing she couldn't have. She was tempted and broke God's commandment. The forbidden fruit was appealing but cost far more than it gave her. She was banished from the garden and felt the weight of her nakedness and shame. Likewise, an affair is often greed for something you can't have rather than contentment for the blessings you do have. It ushers in God's displeasure, and again, costs far more than it provides. We allow ourselves to be deceived when we do not recognize this reality from Scripture. James 1:14–15 says, "Each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

Notice that the mind and heart are tempted before the sinful action. You have the ability to choose truth and life instead; you can choose to delight in God's good blessings by directing your focus back to him.

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If you are considering an affair, it's likely that several natural boundaries have already been crossed. You might not have been looking for the affair, nor even wanted one, but understand that there is a point of no return. The best and safest way to remove the temptation is to cut off all ties. This is not a sign of weakness, but strength. Demonstrate a willingness to please God above all others. Understand, however, that physical distance is only the first step. Remember that 1 Corinthians 6:18 instructs Christians to flee from sexual immorality. In other words, RUN! You might also have to change the places you frequent and clean up your music selection and thought life. After all, adultery happens in the mind and heart before it's acted upon. Look to feed the spirit, not the flesh, for the side you feed will win. Romans 8:6 instructs, "The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." 

Instead, read Scripture, listen to praise songs, and pray what the Psalmist wrote, "Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10). Only then will you truly be set free!

When you follow God's advice, the Bible likens it to your foot avoiding a snare (Proverbs 3:26). God, your Good Shepherd, gave you his laws so that you would be brought back to safety and not suffer. Jesus says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10). While you may not fully understand the implications of your sin and the temptation might feel overwhelming, you can choose to rely on what the Bible says and follow the voice of your Shepherd. When you do, you will discover in time why all ground other than Scripture is sinking sand. Also, it's worth noting that your obedience will affect not only your own safety but that of your family and legacy as well, as damage from wounds can repeat over the course of generations to come.

In addition to following God's voice, it is also wise to examine your marriage. First, honestly explore with a Christian counselor why you were tempted to have an affair. What weakness did the potential affair expose, and how could you strengthen your marriage? Consider talking openly about ways that you would like to improve your relationship with your spouse. Second, assess the effort you are making to maintain your marriage. Are you regularly going on dates with your spouse? Is there a new hobby or activity that you could start together? Try introducing something new to add a spark to your relationship. Third, consider your communication pattern as a couple. Are you regularly communicating in healthy and meaningful ways? Often, affairs begin as emotional ones for women; instead, seek that support from your spouse. Fourth, thoughtfully consider your intimacy. Is something holding you back from investing in this important part of your marital relationship? Take steps to invigorate it. Finally, is it possible that you are taking your spouse for granted? Try actively cataloguing your spouse's virtues. Paul instructs us, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things" (Phil. 4:8). Offer daily thanks for the good you see in your spouse; don't take that good for granted. While someone else may not have their weakness, they also may not have their strength.

A good marriage, like faith, is worth fighting for. While a potential affair presents a challenge, it's surmountable with proper mooring. If you know whose you are, you can take steps that demonstrate who you are: You are a beloved child of God. You are a committed spouse. You are a father/mother who will fight for your family and its legacy. James 4:7 reads, "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

Pray with me: Almighty and most loving God, thank you for your Word, which saves me from the fowler's snare. I trust you and ask for your forgiveness. Lover of my Soul, I give you the desires of my heart. Bring my marriage higher; protect my family. And as your Son Jesus prayed, lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil. Now and always, pull me to safety, so that my life will reflect your glory! In Jesus' name, Amen.

Related: 5 Ways to Protect Your Marriage from Harmful Flirtation