6 Ways to Guard Your Heart from Manipulative People

Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."

A fool shares everything and anything with others without consideration of whether the recipient is a safe place for this information. Wise people are discerning about how they share sensitive information. When interacting with a person you see has unhealthy tendencies, don't feel obligated to overshare with them.

I am a people pleaser, so this is hard for me! I want to reach out even when the other person has completely ghosted me. I'm often inclined to share our story freely because I desire connection. Including others is my superpower, but I've learned that being selective, thoughtful, and kind is a good way to guard your heart and calendar. I only have space for a limited number of safe, invested people. I have to prioritize them. People who don't know me well don't need to know everything about me or my family. If you are an extraverted empath, you will struggle with this, but the older I get, the more I see that my heart is precious and deserves to be cared for.

Proverbs 18:7 warns, "A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul." Don't be a fool, control your mouth to remain safe in your relationships.

Proverbs 13:20 says, "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm."

Who we spend our time with matters. Our closest friendships play a vital role in our spiritual and character formation. If we invest a lot of time with those who have unhealthy tendencies, such as manipulation, we will suffer harm.

Proverbs 15:2 says, "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly."

Those who are foolish spout foolish advice, and if we allow these people to influence us, we will find ourselves following poor advice that leads to our destruction. Guard your time as a way to guard your heart. It's perfectly okay to decline that coffee date, say no when they ask for help, and point them to others if helping will put you in harm's way.

Proverbs 14:29 says, "Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly."

Sometimes, when another person's motives are not kind, we can feel the urge to confront them immediately. However, when dealing with someone who is not always trustworthy, we must slow down and respond. When we react with anger, we bring more chaos into our lives.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 tells us, "Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools."

Quick anger leads to foolish action. You may see that the situation is dire, but we can trust God to help us navigate these challenging moments at a slower pace, allowing us to consider our responses prayerfully. Our pause enables the Holy Spirit to guide our actions in these tricky situations.

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Ecclesiastes 12:14 says, "For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."

God brings every action into his judgment. There are no secrets in his world. That allows us to relinquish our right to exact our judgment on those we see as manipulating situations unfairly. We must trust God to right the wrongs that happen in our world.

Matthew 7:1-2 says, "Judge not, that you be not judged. You will be judged by the judgment you pronounce, and with the measure you use, it will be measured by you."

The Bible also warns that when we take matters into our own hands, we will feel the wrath of his judgment. God says we must not pridefully take matters into our own hands. We must prayerfully trust him to guide our steps so we can show love and protect our hearts simultaneously. This can only be accomplished with the supernatural help of God's Holy Spirit.

When we see people living in unhealthy ways, our hearts should first be grieved because we know they are not living in alignment with God's Word. When we see these struggles play out before us, our first response should be to pray for their hearts. We cannot bring repentance; only God has that power.

Philippians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

We don't have to be anxious when facing a situation that overwhelms or perplexes us. We can bring our concerns to God through prayer. He will be faithful to responding if we are willing to wait on him. His job is to turn hearts towards him. We must ask him to work on our hearts and the hearts of those around us so righteousness can prevail.

1 Corinthians 13:6-7 says, "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

God's love protects us from harm. Any relationship that is taking advantage of you or is putting you in harm's way is not a loving one, and the Christian response is to employ boundaries that keep you safe.

God set boundaries for every part of creation; He is a God of order, and we are creatures that crave order and safety. We don't have to feel guilty about keeping ourselves and the ones we love safe by sometimes saying no, embracing some distance, or potentially ending a relationship with a manipulative person.

If you feel you cannot set proper boundaries on your own, seek wise counsel or support from a counselor, mentor, safe friend, or pastor.