5 Ways to Parent Without Panic When Kids Question Their Faith

I was raised in the age of Christianity, where faith was paired with very strict legalism. So, to question why I believed in Jesus, whether Jesus was the only way, and if I even wanted to believe in Jesus, was to essentially underscore my lack of faith and tiptoe the line of blasphemy. As I’ve aged and embarked on raising my children, I’m grateful for the experts within Christianity today who are theologically strong, recognize the Bible as the inerrant Word of God, and believe that it is by asking questions that we become stronger in our faith.

Think of teachers like Lee Strobel, who wrote A Case for Faith and A Case for Christ, or Josh McDowell, who penned Evidence Demands a Verdict. These men helped usher in the era of questioning. They understood and continue to teach the value of looking for answers and looking for evidence to support the conclusion.

Giving our children permission to ask questions gives them the freedom to explore, learn, and discover who Christ is. When children can seek and then find, their faith is more likely to become their own, not because you taught them it was true, but because you encouraged them to seek that truth for themselves.

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Remember when you questioned whether God was there? When you grappled (and maybe still do) with the question of why there is evil in the world, considering we believe that God is good? Or perhaps you were intrigued by the concepts presented by a different religion or persuaded to investigate the challenges put forth against the theology you were taught.

Coming alongside your child and letting them know you understand they have questions is another way to remove the panic from the situation and become a part of your child’s faith journey. Over and over again, children have left Christianity because they have experienced judgment for struggling with its concepts instead of validation that it is okay to investigate it. While you believe there are indisputable truths within your beliefs, there was something in your life that convinced you to believe that. Allow your children to see that vulnerability within your faith journey, too.

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Now is a great time to join the journey with your child! There are so many resources available now to help your child decipher what they believe. These resources range across all age groups, and there are now even apologetical books written for children to help them identify why they believe what they believe.

Assisting your children in finding materials that will help explain does more than teach them what you can’t; it also introduces them to new voices and influences who align with the truth but also carry expertise and credibility with them. Let’s be honest. Sometimes, our kids shy away from a concept simply because their parents introduced it. Exposing them to influences you trust is a great way to help them find the answers to the faith questions they are asking.

And remember! There are more than just books available! Search for podcasts, video curriculum, teachers, and professors within your own church and community, individuals with testimonies they are willing to share, etc. You never know what will meet your child’s needs, so be cautious about leaning toward just one resource, person, or church for the answers.

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This may be the most challenging part of it all. When we’re facing the disconcerting reality of wondering if our child will adopt faith in Christ as their own, so often we want to push and to rush their decision. You may find this effective because they “decide” merely to get it over with and give you some peace. Or, as some may put it, to “get you off their back”. But take some time to think of your walk of faith. It didn’t happen overnight. It was and still is a journey. So it will be with your child.

They need to know that even as it’s okay for them to ask questions, it’s also OK for them not to make a quick decision—unless that’s where their journey takes them, of course. This is the perfect time to exemplify your faith, but having faith that the Holy Spirit will work in their lives and it isn’t reliant on you to get them to make a decision in your timing. This quest to discover their faith is really between them and the Lord, and we already know how God uses twists and turns in our lives to draw us to Him. Allow your children to take the time to search and allow God the space to move within their hearts and their minds.

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It goes without saying, you may need to spend more time on your knees than listening and discussing with your child. Praying that they will see the truth and that their hearts will be responsive to it is a critical role of a parent.

Remember the following verses:

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. Romans 8:26-27

 “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears and tell you what is yet to come. He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you.  John 16:12-14

As parents, let us not discount the ministry of the Holy Spirit in our children's lives!

In reality, some of us will be blessed with children who are called to be close to the Lord, and their faith journey will see truth with clarity and accept it with eagerness. For others, it will be a long and arduous road that may lead well into adulthood. The quest to know the truth is different for all of us, and it is natural, as parents who desire nothing more than to see our children walk in the way of Christ, to be afraid when they express doubt.

But questioning is part of learning. As parents, if we embrace these questions and encourage inquisitiveness, our children will also witness the gentle calling of Christ in their lives. Jesus encouraged the little children to come to Him, to be near Him, and we know that little ones ask lots of questions. So allow your children to do the same. Test the knowledge given to them so that when they come to a full realization of their faith, they can also have a ready response when asked why they came to the conclusion to believe what they believe.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 11:18-19

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