5 Ways to Protect Your Marriage from Harmful Flirtation
The platinum blonde absolutely ROCKED the room.
She wore a low-cut top, a tight miniskirt, nude stilettos...and not much else (you get the picture). I watched jaws drop and heads turn as the fair-haired hostess glided across the room to where we were sitting.
“Hi, there,” she said in a sassy tone. Then she leaned down toward my husband, batted her heavy lashes, and asked, “Now what can I do for you, handsome?”
The nerve. I could’ve launched across the table.
What would she have offered him if I hadn’t been sitting there? While my husband ignored her suggestive behavior, some spouses won’t. Some husbands or wives will flirt right back, or worse, they’ll take on the challenge.
If you’re married, you probably once flirted (a lot) to attract your mate (and that’s great). But now that you’re married, it’s not right to try to entice, attract, or tempt someone sexually in any way (except your spouse, of course).
Why “harmless” flirtation isn’t harmless when you’re married:
-Being flirty often leads to emotional affairs, and then later on, to physical affairs.
-Even “light-hearted” flirting can challenge someone to make heavy, unwanted advances.
-Flirting with other people erodes marital trust, often generating suspicion and jealousy.
-Flirting with others does not honor your spouse or your marriage.
-While flirting might boost your ego, it can lower your spouse’s self-esteem.
Unfortunately, I’ve witnessed how seemingly innocent, “harmless” flirtation ended up destroying a marriage. I’m sure you have, too.
The Bible says:
“Be faithful to your own wife, just as you drink water from your own well. Don’t pour your water in the streets; don’t give your love to just any woman. These things are yours alone and shouldn’t be shared with strangers.” Prov. 5:15-17 NCV
Marriage is the closest connection that you can have with another person. It can even be closer than the bond between a mother and a child. God designed this special love relationship to last a lifetime. So be careful to protect your marriage—it’s one of the most valuable relationships you will ever have.
5 Ways to Protect Your Marriage from Harmful Flirtation:
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/DigitalVision
1. Avoid Tempting Situations
1. Avoid Tempting Situations
Don’t hang out alone with someone else’s spouse. Don’t share in-depth, personal feelings with a member of the opposite sex, unless it’s truly necessary. Avoid certain groups and events where you know inappropriate behavior is likely to occur.
The Bible teaches:
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways.” 1 Thess. 4:3-5 NLT
2. Set Clear Boundaries
2. Set Clear Boundaries
Setting boundaries safeguards your marriage. Consider these examples:
-If you have to go out to lunch with a client of the opposite sex, protect your marriage by okaying it with your spouse beforehand.
-Do not slow dance with friends. Save your dances for your spouse.
-Limit calls, texts, and online chats with members of the opposite sex. Discuss only what’s necessary and keep it brief.
Making clear, firm boundaries honors your marriage. And it helps you live up to God’s holy standard:
“Marriage is to be honored by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” Heb. 13:4 GNT
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Ivanko Brnjakovic
3. Be Vigilant Together
3. Be Vigilant Together
So, what’s the difference between being flirty and just being friendly?
While both may involve light-hearted banter, the sole intent of flirting is to attract others sexually. Flirting often includes making suggestive comments or giving extra compliments to gauge a response. Subtle gestures, such as prolonged eye contact or physical touch, often ask this basic question: “You’re really attractive—do you find me attractive, too?”
Discuss the differences between being friendly and being flirty with your spouse. Identify threats (like the beautiful blonde mentioned above) that might harm your marriage. Decide what social and physical parameters will best protect your love.
4. Watch the Little Things
4. Watch the Little Things
Do your clothes send a sexual message to the opposite sex? What do your facials imply? Do you make racy or suggestive innuendos to others? These things can send the wrong message if you’re not careful.
The Bible says:
“And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes. For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.” 1 Tim. 2:9-10 NLT
5. Flirt with Your Spouse (Only)
5. Flirt with Your Spouse (Only)
Unless your marriage was pre-arranged, you probably first attracted your spouse by flirting. Have you kept it up? You should. Romancing your spouse isn’t a frivolous activity. Passion protects and strengthens your marriage. So recall your initial feelings of love, joy, and fun. Revive your romance. Go on special dates. Hold hands. Be overly flirty—even salacious—with your spouse, but not with others.
Your marriage is one of the most precious relationships you’ll ever have in this life. So be careful to protect it from harmful flirtation or whatever else might threaten it. You’ll be glad you did.
Originally published July 10, 2025.
