6 Truths for the Woman Waiting to be a Mom
- April Motl Crosswalk.com Contributor
- 2017 10 May
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a long winding journey through infertility. At least that’s our story!
When we got married, my biggest concern about having kids was having more than I could manage! Every family I knew seemed to have this sort of gulp and cringe worry about another baby on the way. Yet, we were excited about starting a family and didn’t give a second thought to how it might not be easy or quick.
Almost 10 years rolled by before the Lord surprised us with the delight of our son.
Years of wondering why God wouldn’t give us a baby. Years of driving myself nuts, wishfully wondering if every little thing might be a sign that I was pregnant. Years of listening to people complain about pregnancy symptoms, being pregnant again when they didn’t want to be, or about how they couldn’t get pregnant with their second, third, or fourth child. Years of people making hurtful passing comments about my empty arms, most of which sprung from their lack of understanding, not words meant to hurt, but still stung deeply nonetheless.
During that long season, I learned a few truths for all of waiting on the Lord, and especially those of us waiting and wishing for a baby.
1. Faith rests on God alone, not on getting my desire.
People would tell me to have faith that I was going to have a baby. Someone told me our lack of a child was my fault because I didn’t have enough faith. As I wrestled with this, I came to the conclusion that biblical faith is founded on God’s character and on His Word. I can (and should) have faith that “He will complete the good work He started in me” (Philippians 1:6). I can trust that God is “Faithful, even when I am faithless” (2 Timothy 2:13). I can be sure that “Every good gift comes down from the Father of Lights��� (James 1:17). I can rest in the truth that as I do my best to walk in God’s ways “No good thing does God withhold from those who walk uprightly" (Psalm 84:11).
So in my journey, my faith settled over God’s goodness, trustworthiness, sovereignty, love, and wisdom, instead of resting on “I will have a baby.” Resting our expectation of God’s character brings peace (Isaiah 26:3) to our souls and protects us from the stealing anxiousness that awaits a circumstantial outcome.
2. God is working and doing something good.
While we wait, it can feel as though our prayers are empty, that God has picked up His work and moved on to someone else and that we’re outside His attention. Doubts like these are simply not true. When you feel this way, consider verses like these: 10 Bible Verses for When You are Waiting on the Lord.
3. You are not your circumstances.
You are not barren and empty; in Christ you are full. You are not somehow deficient as a woman because you aren’t a mom; you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You aren’t a failure as a wife because you don’t have kids; your greatest worth comes from being a woman rooted in Christ. Is it easy to feel these things? No. Not even a little. But they are still true. So when the temptation to say these things to yourself bubbles up, take those thoughts captive with the truth about what God says about you.
4. Find the good in the waiting.
Looking back on our season of waiting, I truly believe the Lord was doing our family good. I think He was protecting our little son from having to walk through some hard times. On the positive side, my husband and I got to make some really sweet pre-kid memories! We vacationed to places that just wouldn’t have lent themselves to family adventures. We got to be spontaneous, try new things, and go amazing places. I finished my master’s degree, started a successful little side business doing something I loved, wrote, served, and our house had a revolving door for anyone who needed a listening ear.
We also worked on learning to do things better that we wanted to have more “nailed down” for the benefit of our future family. We took a course on Christian family finances. We read oodles of marriage books and invested in learning things that would bless us as a couple, but also hopefully a future family. Now that we have a little man under our roof we can’t do all those things. There is goodness and specialness in your season of waiting so soak it all up! Don’t miss a drop of the good in it!
5. Your story isn’t over.
If there is one thing my experience tells me about the Lord’s activity, it’s that He surprises me when I least expect it. We got pregnant on the heels of some major health issues for me. We had just moved into a house and it was the first house I didn’t mentally arrange a nursery in. I had completely settled into not having children. And it wasn’t sad. It was just matter of fact. God had filled my life with good things and I wasn’t going to let them slip through my fingers just because one facet of my life left me disappointed.
Look up and expect the Lord to work. He might call you to foster children you might not be able to open your home to if you had other kids in the house. He might call you to support children in poverty around the globe. He might direct you to invest your heart and time in helping a single mom at church. If you love kids and your desire for kids doesn’t go away, then ask God how to use it for His glory and good. He will write something beautiful with whatever you commit to Him.
I never in a million years would have thought that my primary writing ministry impact would come from infertility. It wasn’t something I wanted as part of my story. Yet, when I gave this hole in my heart to the Lord, I saw Him reach through it to other people. And that is exactly what I think the Lord wants to do with all the holes in our hearts, reach through them with His love, grace, compassion, and truth to others. It’s just a matter of us inviting Him in.
6. Listen to the Lord, not your hurt and not the things other people say.
While I write these things, I am leaning into the truth of them just as much as I hope you do too. After having our wonderful son, we lost a baby. It broke my heart and tore open that old angst to add to our family. I am taking a refresher course in guarding my heart with truth in this area.
Someone recently told me “It’s too bad you’re not pregnant anymore so your son would have someone to play with.” Another person who knew of our struggle with infertility and recent loss told me “I would never only want to have just one kid. For me the only way to have kids would be to have at least four.” I could go on and on with much harsher things people have said. But the reality is, it doesn’t really matter what they say. What matters is what the Lord says. So guard your heart with diligence, set it on truth, and let your heart take courage.
I am praying for you today.
Father, please send your comfort and grace to wrap around my sister who is aching for a baby. Cause Your comforting presence to be bigger in her heart that this hurt. Hold her closer than the air around her. Fill her emptiness with Your fullness. Grace her to hold on to You with full trust. Open her eyes to the good You are working in her life right now. And give her peace. Protect this pain from the lies of the enemy, her own doubts, hurtful comments from others, or anything else that would cloud her vision of You. And if it be in Your will, fulfill the desire of her heart soon. Amen.
For more encouragement, see Waiting for God to Fill the Cradle, a month long couples’ devotional for those journeying through infertility.
April Motl is a pastor’s wife who loves to laugh, loves her man, loves to talk on the phone entirely too long and most of all, loves her Lord. Collaborating with the efforts of her husband Eric, the two of them share a ministry dedicated to bringing God’s Word into the everyday lives of married couples, men and women. April has been privileged through her own church and ministry outside her local body to share God's Word with women ranging in ages and stages, across denominations, and walks of life. April is a graduate from Southern California Seminary and has written for Just Between Us Magazine, Dayspring's (In)courage, and The Secret Place and also writes regularly for crosswalk.com, iBelieve.com and Women's Ministry Tools. For more information, visit Motl Ministries at: www.MotlMinistries.com.