Super Friends

I like super heroes. I admit it. As a kid, I liked stories about people who were just plain ordinary people, until some freak nuclear radiation accident (the generic super-hero formula) gives them powers beyond that of other people. C'mon admit it: I'll bet you have wished you could fly or have X-ray vision or invisibility or something. I'll certainly admit it. In fact, I'll even admit that during my last semester of college, my roommate at the time (who shall remain nameless) and I got hooked watching re-runs of Lois and Clark (a fairly recent Superman show). If we were gone, we taped it. Pathetic, I know, but we lived as seniors in the freshman dorm, and we were afraid to wander around the halls.

Now that I am much older and wiser (Ahem. No comments, please), I know that super-powered, super heroes don't truly exist. So instead, we older and wiser folks look at history and literature to find heroes (real and fictional) that do extraordinary things - without the radiation. I'm thinking of guys like William Wallace, Ben-Hur, Jean Valjean, Davy Crocket, just to name a few.

But in truth, you don't have to tell tall tales or make movies starring Mel Gibson or Fess Parker to find heroes of extraordinary proportions. There are real accounts in Scripture of amazing heroes that are just waiting to be told and heard. I want to point out one of my all-time favorites. It's found in I Chronicles 11. The author is discussing King David's "Mighty Men." Other than their unpronounceable names (i.e., Jashobeam), these guys would have been a welcome addition to the "Justice League" or any other "super" clan.

For instance (I digress), Benaiah from I Chronicles 11:22 kills a lion. By going down into a pit after it. On a snowy day. Not your ideal lion-fighting conditions. He probably didn't have a bullwhip and chair, and the lion probably hadn't heard of P.T. Barnum. Then, there are others in the list like Elhanan, son of Dodo. You know he had to do something special just to live down that name!

But the coolest story to me is the one that begins in verse 15. Three (just three) of these guys come down to David at the cave of Adullam. I've searched the passage, and I can't for the life of me figure out their names. They're not named specifically; they're just called the Three. But anyhow, they're chilling in the cave with David and checking out the Philistines camped in the valley next door. Somewhere, behind enemy lines, is the town of Bethlehem, David's hometown.

David is gazing wistfully off in the distance, getting all nostalgic. He finally speaks, probably more to himself than anything: "Oh that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!" Now, I have to admit, I know how the guy feels. Out in Virginia, surrounded by what purports to be barbecue, I occasionally get a little homesick for real barbecue from Texas. And Mexican food. I miss good Mexican food. Great, I'm on food again. Where was I?

"Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice ..." Sorry, I got carried away there. Uh, anyway, back at King David's cave, The Cave of Adullam that is ...

I know what happened. If you've hung around guys at all, you can just picture it. The Three (call them Larry, Curly, and Moe) hear David and start eyeing each other. Maybe they hadn't seen much action lately. Moe raises an eyebrow at the other two. Larry whispers, "I'll do it if you do."

Curly is the cautious one: "Guys, this is crazy."

Moe: "You scared?"

Curly gets defensive: "No! I'm just saying ... I mean ... It just is ... I'll still go if y'all do."

Curly talks a little too loudly. David hears the whispering and looks around, "Go where?"

"Nothing," the Three innocently respond in unison.

David is unconvinced, but he's got too much on his mind to worry about their shenanigans. They whisper a bit more and then they wait a little bit. Probably stretch a little. Pull out the swords and do some practice hacks. The Bible doesn't say all this of course, but it does say what happened next: "So the Three broke through the Philistine lines ..."

I can see it. David is resting against the rock, maybe dozing a little, when all of a sudden: "YAAAAAAAHHHHHH." David jerks awake and looks out of the cave in time to see Larry, Curly, and Moe racing down the hillside to the valley. His heart leaps into his mouth. What are they doing? Curly's not even carrying a sword! He's got a ... a ... a bucket?!

"If they get back alive, I'm going to kill them." David covers his face, but can't stand the tension and peeks through his fingers. These maniacs break through the Philistine lines (Curly bashes a few with his bucket or whips them with his wineskin or whatever he's got), get all the way to the well, draw water, and get all the way back!

They're laughing and trading high fives, and then Curly nonchalantly offers the bucket to his ashen-faced leader, "Hey Boss, me and the boys were in the neighborhood and thought we'd pick you up your favorite beverage. We even got the Biggie Size!" David, all thought of scolding aside, realizes that his thoughtless (and rather selfish) lament led to this little excursion.

With tremendous remorse, he takes the bucket, lifts it to heaven and pours out every last drop to God as an offering: "Should I drink the blood of these men who went at risk of their lives?"

I can hear the Three as they bed down for the night.

Larry: "Hey Bucketman, did you see that Philistine general's face when I stampeded the livestock over his tent?"

Curly (laughing): "Yeah! Or when I whacked the guys standing by the well with the bucket? They never knew what hit 'em."

Moe: "Dude, and after all that, he pours it out!"

Larry: "I know, what's with that? I'm just glad he wasn't hungry for homemade bread!"

Moe and Curly: "Why not?"

Larry: "Cause I snagged some of the Philistine bread on my way through, and man are those guys lousy cooks!"

All three laugh and go to sleep, little knowing that their exploits would make them renown, not only in their own time, but thousands of years later on another continent. Three ordinary men, with extraordinary hearts, skills, and courage. Super Friends indeed.

This column originally appeared on the HomeSchool Channel.

Originally published July 27, 2001.