Day 58: Jesus is Infinitely Patient With Our All-too-humanness

Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds. After dismissing the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. Well into the night, he was there alone. Meanwhile, the boat was already some distance from land, battered by the waves, because the wind was against them. Jesus came toward them walking on the sea very early in the morning. When the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost!” they said, and they cried out in fear.

Immediately Jesus spoke to them. “Have courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter answered him, “command me to come to you on the water.”

He said, “Come.”

And climbing out of the boat, Peter started walking on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the strength of the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand, caught hold of him, and said to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt?” MATTHEW 14:22–31

THE FIRST FEW HOURS in the hospital were scary. Especially after I overheard two of the medical personnel who were hovering around me discuss how my particular case of COVID had caused the excess fluid in my lungs to harden and crystalize like shards of glass. One said wearily, “Based on how shredded her lungs are from the scans, I’m not sure we’ll be able to stabilize her.” In defense of those health-care workers who were risking their own lives in a selfless attempt to save mine, I was so weak I could only lay there with my eyes closed, so I’m sure they thought I was unconscious and unable to hear their conversation.

It was still disconcerting though. I’ve participated in extreme sports like jumping mountain bikes off small cliffs, skiing and snowboarding down double black diamonds, parasailing in high winds, scuba diving around sharks, running with bulls, and operating a chainsaw, so there’ve been a few times I realized in retrospect that my life may’ve been in danger. But I’ve never been lying on a hospital bed while entertaining that idea.

Fortunately, my first thought was the promise I got to preach at my Dad Angel’s funeral, eight weeks after he’d put his faith in Jesus: absent from the body, present with the Lord (2 Cor. 5:8). I can clearly remember thinking: Oh my goodness, this is what peace with God feels like! Any minute now, I’m going to come up out of this wheezing jar of clay and walk right into the waiting arms of Jesus! Then, after maybe a whopping thirty seconds of rock-solid faith, my mind came screeching to an all-too-human thought and I panicked at the thought of Missy losing another mom. I began silently begging God not to let me die until she was at least eighteen because I couldn’t bear the thought of her being orphaned all over again.

I should’ve known better, y’all. I’ve been walking with God for more than fifty years now, and I know He’s not cruel. Plus, I believe His absolute sovereignty is always woven with mercy. That even if we can’t see it in the natural, ultimately “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28 niv, emphasis mine). But in that moment, all the theological reasoning and memory verses in my heart and mind retreated, and what I was left with was gripping anxiety about my daughter’s well-being.

I thought I deserved a lecture for being even weaker spiritually than I was physically. Instead, the presence of Christ filled the room and suddenly all that reverberated in my hard head was, in essence, Honey, I’ve got her. I love her more than you and I will never leave her. Whether you live or die, I will love and take care of both of you forever. The resounding, supernatural comfort and nearness of our Savior was so gentle and kind that I felt my whole body relax in response. His patience with my fallenness saturated me with a peace like I’d never known before.

I’ve heard the passage about Peter getting out of the boat in an attempt to walk on water toward Jesus countless times. And the focus of the sermon or lesson is usually one of two things; either it’s about how Peter at least tried to show his loyalty to Jesus by getting out of the boat (unlike the other disciples), or it’s about how his immature faith caused him to forget the supremacy of Jesus in the face of really big waves. And both are true. Pete did exhibit a sliver of faith and he did wobble like a toddler with a weighted diaper.

However, what jumps out to me lately in the passage is how Jesus beckons him: Come. The command in this scene, to me, sounds like how patient parents talk when teaching their toddler to walk—knowing the knees of their child’s faith will buckle, allowing him to fall, and understanding he’ll need help to get back up again. If we were to graph Peter’s faith-walk during the three years he spent by Jesus’s side (and would continue to be the ongoing rhythm of his gait), we’d probably chart it this way: wobble, fall, and get back up again; wobble, fall, and get back up again; wobble, fall, and get back up again. Yet Jesus never gave up on Pete. He just kept picking him up, giving him an affectionate pat on the back, and encouraging him to work on being a dependable disciple. Until Pete finally learned to stride in such steadfast devotion that when he was ultimately martyred for following Jesus, he asked to be crucified upside down because he humbly refused to die in the same posture as His Lord.

I can so identify with Peter’s cry of desperation: Lord, save me! And I hope one day to mirror his eventual steadfast devotion after a lifetime of walking with our Savior. Until then, I will remain grateful that Jesus still picks me up when I fall. And I pray you will too.

• THE WORD PATIENCE in the New Testament comes from two Greek root words: makros, which means “long,” and thymia, which means “feeling.” In other words, patience is having control of one’s feelings for a long period of time.55 Who best exemplifies that in your circle of family and friends?
• READ ROMANS 2:4. How did you experience God’s patience before you put your hope in Jesus?
• READ COLOSSIANS 3:12–13. How can these verses help you extend patience toward the bumbling slow learners in your little corner of the world?