Eating Disorder

He has satisfied the thirsty and filled the hungry with good things. (Ps. 107:9)

I never had a weight issue until my junior year of high school. My mother and stepfather were fighting, and I wasn’t happy at home. Through emotional eating and lack of exercise, I gained twenty pounds that year. After reading an article that advised only eating when I was physically hungry, I began to lose weight. It wasn’t long before I was addicted to feeling hungry, and I began relishing the sense of control it gave me.

Concerned, my mother lectured me and tried to make me eat more. Teachers told me I looked sickly. But one day my obsession was officially fueled and reinforced when some strangers in the airport asked if I was a model. It was exhilarating to think that my ultra-thinness somehow made me more beautiful in the world’s eyes.

I loved eating too much to abstain for long. But as I struggled with vacillation between emotional eating and not eating enough, I began bingeing and purging. Laxatives were my purge of choice, but I occasionally threw up when I was afraid my mom would notice how many tablets were missing.

When I became a Christian in college, I learned my eating issues were not only a result of a skewed view of beauty, but they were also my way of coping with stress in life. As I grew in the Lord, I learned to manage my eating in a healthy way and to trust Him to be in control.

An eating disorder—whether it’s anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating—is a way of dealing with difficult circumstances, relationships, and emotions without God. Cultural ideas of physical beauty also make women especially susceptible to this coping mechanism. If you suspect you have an eating disorder, seek competent help. Ask God to teach you how to let Him help you.