Jessica’s husband, Nick, had his own stories to share about the “fighting style” his parents used. His mother screamed, hurled accusations, and threw things; his father left the house for hours, tires screaming as he sped away.

So when Jessica and Nick had their first argument as a married couple, they simply slipped into the only patterns they knew. Jessica didn’t say anything; Nick brought up every single thing she had done wrong in the past.

Since Jessica didn’t know how to resolve conflict healthily, she sought to avoid any hint of disagreement. But by agreeing with Nick when she really didn’t agree, she was being dishonest. So she asked the Lord to help her overcome her fear of conflict and teach her how to address difficult issues in constructive ways.

Because we are sinful, conflict is inevitable. Sometimes the conflict is about personalities; sometimes it’s because we want our own way. But being a conflict avoider does not bring truth or peace to a relationship. Talking through issues is really about solving a problem, not attacking the other person. When we work through disagreements, we are working to enhance or even save a relationship. Conflict resolution is about listening and speaking respectfully. “You never” and “You always” statements cause defensive behavior. And we should always remember that we are ambassadors of Jesus Christ, who wants our speech and behavior to “always be gracious” (Col. 4:6).