“No snacking before dinner!” I said. Stirring the spaghetti sauce vigorously, I took a deep breath and tried to steady my voice. “Yes, that was Dad. He can’t come get you this weekend.”

“What?” Shelby’s freckled face fell as it had so many times before.

“I knew it!” Sam said, stomping his foot. “He’s probably going to some golf tournament with the latest girlfriend.”

“But why would he ditch us for her?” Shelby asked, her blue eyes filling with tears. So many reasons came to mind. Let’s see: (1) He’s a terrible father. (2) He cares only for himself. (3) He never grew up. (4) He will always hurt and disappoint you. But I didn’t say any of those things. I remembered what my counselor said, “Bashing your ex-husband only hurts your children.”

So with both the sauce and my anger bubbling, I put my emotions on the back burner. After dinner I would cry in the privacy of my bedroom. But now I would protect my children’s feelings—again. God, help me, I prayed silently, clamping my mouth shut. Tight.

Regardless of what your ex-husband does, your children love him. For you to denigrate him in front of them will only worsen the pain and confusion they already feel. No matter how hard it is (and it is very hard), don’t criticize him or make snide remarks. If your ex-husband isn’t a good father, unfortunately they will discover that on their own. You don’t need to tell them.