Almost immediately I felt the Holy Spirit say, You need to forgive him. But if I did that, how could he understand his mistake? He had hurt me and needed to know better than to treat me like that.

I wish I could say I immediately responded in obedience, forgave my husband, and enjoyed a wonderful day. But I did slowly determine to let go of the attitude I was nursing. Sometime in the course of our time together, I finally surrendered my “right” to be offended and my thirst for justice. Later that evening, free from attitude, I cuddled up next to him. Then I found the freedom to voice my hurt in a way that allowed him to understand and gain awareness of the impact his words had on me.

Even in the best marriages spouses will sometimes rub each other like sandpaper. For a believer, the question will always be: How can I respond to my spouse in a way that pleases Christ and reflects my commitment to Him? Forgiveness is often the answer to that internal question.

Choosing forgiveness will no doubt be desperately difficult in some situations. And forgiveness does not mean freeing a spouse from the responsibility and consequences of their actions. It means releasing our condemnation, our demand for “justice,” and letting God do His work. In most marriages forgiveness is staying caught up on releasing the daily irritations and our tendency to keep score for future reference.