He needs to be around his church family, I sensed God reminding me. While one friend had waited several weeks to return to church after losing her husband, our pastor needed to be around those who loved him, had adored his wife, and would support him through every excruciating step of his grief. His quick return taught me that our responses to a tragedy are as different as our individual personalities. It wasn’t my job to keep track of how long a person should stay in isolation or what they could handle when. God called me to love, pray for, and remain attentive to my grieving friends’ needs.

When a friend or loved one loses a spouse, it’s tempting to play counselor and assess how grief should look. But after watching only a few go through it, we see the vast differences in the way people handle their pain. Some need to grieve alone for a long period of time before returning to work, church, and activities. Others find solace in being around people. While one widow can’t smile for months, another finds healing in laughter. Helping a brother or sister through loss provides an opportunity to seek wisdom and practice sensitivity, knowing that God created us uniquely and comforts us in the exact way we need.