Day 10: Missed and Misunderstood

From then on Jesus began to point out to his disciples that it was necessary for him to go to Jerusalem and suffer many things from the elders, chief priests, and scribes, be killed, and be raised the third day. Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, “Oh no, Lord! This will never happen to you!” Matthew 16:21–22

One of the most heart-breaking habits I had to help Missy break during the first few months after she came home from Haiti was flinching. When I raised my hand to fix her bow or straighten her collar or caress her cheek, she’d recoil every time. It was obvious that much like Cookie, our gentle and loyal adopted dog who was beaten by her previous owner, Missy had received enough blows in her past to create deep-seated fear that surfaced whenever my hand got too close to her head or face. She soon learned enough English to express what she was feeling when she ducked; she’d say, “Mama, dat big lady at da or-pan-idge hit me wite heeaw” and point to her face. The first time she said it, I picked her up and held her for a long time, explaining softly over and over again that I would never, ever slap her in the face, hit her in the head, or intentionally hurt her. Once she finally relaxed and fell asleep in my arms, I laid her on the bed, pulled the covers up around her, walked outside of her room, leaned against the wall, and wept.

I’ll never forget the look of terror that washed over Missy’s face when she thought I was going to strike her. Or the angst of realizing that sometimes she was afraid of me. I mostly hated the abuse my baby girl had endured, which caused her to look at me in fear. But I also grieved that Missy didn’t yet know the real me. And I can’t help wondering since Jesus was incarnate—perfectly God and perfectly human—if He grieved the disciples’ distorted view of Him, too. Their understanding of who He was obviously “mattered” to Jesus or He wouldn’t have attempted to explain His death and resurrection to them multiple times, much less ask them, “But . . . who do you say that I am?” (Mark 8:29).

Do you think it’s possible that He ached over being missed and misunderstood by His closest companions? Do you think it made Him sad or frustrated when people minimized His deity by essentially asking Him to perform tricks like a traveling magician (John 6:30–31)? Or how about when He was slandered, vilified, and set up for murder by the religious leaders of His day who made a living pouring over and preaching the Old Testament, which was all about Him (Luke 24:27)?

Years ago I was sitting in my counselor’s office when she explained that one of the most common heartaches she hears is: I just wish someone understood me. She said the core of many of our emotional wounds is the pain of feeling missed or misunderstood. It broke my heart to be misunderstood by my little girl for just a few months . . . I can’t begin to imagine the grief of being misunderstood by the entire world for whom you’d come to lay your life down for.

But the good news in all this is clear—in His death, burial, and resurrection, Jesus proved to the world exactly who He was. And He promises that He can not only empathize with us when we are misunderstood (Mark 8:21), but will one day make all of that right again, setting the record straight, and vindicating all those moments where someone got us wrong (Luke 8:17; Ps. 135:14).

• The Bible describes at least twenty distinct emotions that Jesus expressed—without sinning in the process—during His earthly ministry including: affection, anguish, anger, compassion, distress, grief, gladness, indignation, joy, love, peace, sadness, sympathy, agitation and exhaustion. Which of these are the most difficult for you to imagine Him feeling and/or expressing?
• Where do you typically run for comfort when you feel misunderstood? How can you shift some things, and start running to God instead?
• How does it help to know that you aren’t alone in feeling misunderstood—that Jesus was misunderstood, too?