Day 62: 2 Samuel 13:21–39

“Amnon is dead. In fact, Absalom has planned this ever since the day Amnon disgraced his sister Tamar” (v. 32).

I am acutely aware that many who read these words have been victims of rape. I deeply desire to handle this subject with tenderness and reverence. I have asked God to pour His Spirit through me so that I will be untrue to neither Him nor you. First, we need to assign appropriate responsibility.

Amnon. He was David’s firstborn. Ironically, his name meant “trustworthy” and “faithful.”17 Obviously, he was neither. We see the immediate evidence of a father’s influence on his son. Amnon had watched his father take one wife after another in a nation where polygamy was forbidden. As far as Amnon could see, his father never wanted anything he didn’t ultimately get.

Like his father, Amnon saw something beautiful and determined to have it. He gave no consideration to the other party involved. Only his lust mattered. He literally became sin-sick to the point of stopping at nothing to satisfy his appetite. Tamar pled with him to spare her disgrace and his reputation, but “he refused to listen.”

I found one of the most sickening moments in the tragic events to be Amnon’s immediate reaction. After the rape, Amnon hated her with intense hatred. We humans often practice a kind of blame shifting. When we have done something sinful and shameful, we blame our actions on someone else—often the victim of our behavior.

We can be assured that God will deal appropriately with Amnon. We see no sign of repentance. When he sees the face of the Righteous Judge, he may utter words like those in Revelation 6:16: “They called to the mountains and rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb!’”

Absalom. Both Absalom and David reacted inappropriately toward Tamar and the crime she suffered. Absalom obviously discovered his sister in extreme distress. He guessed the nature of the crime against her from the tearing of the virgin’s robe. No one can doubt Absalom’s love for his sister, but his reaction to her could only have added further injury. Countless victims of rape and molestation have been hurt by similar advice. Absalom told her to “be quiet” and not “take this thing to heart” (v. 20).

Perhaps you have been the victim of shame in some way. If so, I offer you company today. I’ve been there too. When I was a small child, someone my parents should have been able to trust caused great pain and suffering by crimes against me. Friends and family members of victims often ask me what they can possibly say to their hurting loved one. I know from my own experience that the most important thing anyone can say to a victim of a shame-breeding crime is, “I am so sorry. I love you, and I support you.” We often think we need to come up with answers when another has been hurt. Sometimes the words of comforters are well-meaning but hurtful.

Simple words like “I love you” and “I support you” work best for those of us who are not counselors. In case you’ve been a victim of shame and no one has ever said these words before: I am so sorry.

Absalom was wrong to tell Tamar to be quiet and not take it to heart. The shame was crushing her to pieces. He minimized the significance of the terrible crime against her. She was invited to live with him, but she was not invited to be honest with him. She was left desolate—like the living dead.

David. How did David react? We see just one description: “He was furious” (v. 21). But what did he do about the crime? Absolutely nothing. Why didn’t David take control of his family tragedy? I believe the enemy may have been working on David just as he works on us when we really blow it. His own complicity and sin blinded him to the need of Tamar to find release for the fire of hurt and shame that burned in her. Satan uses sin and failure so effectively against us that even after sincere repentance we often remain completely disabled. He whispers all sorts of questions in our ears like, “How dare you expect obedience from your children after what you’ve done? How dare you walk into church again? You hypocrite!”

Two wrongs don’t make a right! If we blow it as a parent, spouse, servant, employee, or leader, we should fall before God in complete repentance and ask Him what we must do to cooperate with restoration. Then we should follow Him in utmost obedience to His precepts. Restoration does not mean you can no longer stand for the truth because you fell. Restoration means you must stand!

David allowed his own failure to disable him to lead his household in justice and righteousness. He had been forgiven by God, but he had not chosen to live like a forgiven person. He allowed his own sense of guilt to handicap him as a parent.

“Be ye angry, and sin not” (Eph. 4:26 kjv) does not mean “be angry and do nothing.” God created anger. It energizes us to respond when something is wrong. David needed to channel his anger and respond to the crime committed in his household. No weaker house exists than one that lacks appropriate authority. Lack of authority is a breeding ground for untold recklessness and sin. Just ask Tamar.