Day 64: 2 Samuel 15:1–12

Then Absalom sent messengers throughout the tribes of Israel with this message: “When you hear the sound of the ram’s horn, you are to say, ‘Absalom has become king in Hebron!’ ” (v. 10).

We now see evidence of Absalom’s deep dissatisfaction about his encounter with his father. Their meeting did nothing but fuel his bitterness. The relationship between David and Absalom teaches us an important object lesson: reuniting and reconciliation can be two very different things.

Many previously separated couples have returned to one another to live under the same roof for the sake of the children, finances, religious convictions, or the family business. They may live together the rest of their lives without healing or dealing with the problems. Reuniting is one thing; reconciliation is another.

Absalom was dissatisfied by his meeting with his father. Possibly he suffered from the same thing many adults suffer from today. When Absalom was a child, his daddy was his hero. He was strong and smart. He was his son’s idol. David had plenty of shortcomings, but the boy could not see them until one day an emotional bombshell hit home—exploding in the bedroom of Amnon.

Although people got mad, no one cleaned up the mess. Lives continued to be torn by the shrapnel no one ever swept away. David did not—perhaps could not—live up to Absalom’s expectations. The results were devastating. The revenge Absalom had taken on Amnon’s life was not enough. The fact that his father still called him a son was not enough. He still cried out for vengeance and was determined his father would pay.

Obviously, Absalom tried everything he knew—good and bad—to get his father’s attention. He could not get to David through his home, so he determined to get to him through the throne.

Absalom began a very deliberate campaign to win the hearts of the people. Each morning he arrived with a chariot and an entourage of men and horses. He looked impressive as he stood at the gate of the city. When anyone entered the city with a complaint, Absalom proclaimed that if he were appointed judge, anyone with a complaint would get justice. He was quite an effective politician. I wouldn’t be surprised if he even kissed a few babies. Absalom proved a patient and diligent schemer. He continued to work through every step of his plan for four years, waiting for the right moment to attempt to overthrow the father he now hated.

Absalom spent two years waiting for David to punish Amnon, three years in hiding after killing his brother, two years in Jerusalem waiting for David to receive him, and four years working his devious plan of vengeance against his father. Unforgiveness and retaliation stole eleven years of his life! Eleven years is a long time for anyone to seethe, for anyone to harbor bitterness.

Has anger or bitterness stolen years of your life? God tells us to forgive those who hurt us, but He never qualifies the command by saying forgive only when someone asks for your forgiveness. He simply says, “Forgive” (Luke 6:37). Christ set the perfect example in Luke 23:34. From the cross He cried, “Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Those crucifying Jesus had not realized what they were doing. They had not asked forgiveness. Rather, they were gambling over His clothes.

I believe Christ asked God to forgive them, not to let His persecutors off the hook, but for Christ to disavow bitterness. He chose to continue His painful destiny with the love of the Father, not unforgiveness.

David never asked for forgiveness. He never took his rightful place of authority over family events. David made plenty of mistakes, but Absalom did not have to follow suit. He could have called on the mercy of God and forgiven David for failing him, even if his father never admitted how wrongly he had handled his family. God would have held David responsible, and Absalom would have been free. Instead, he locked himself in the prison of bitterness where character eroded in the darkness of his soul. We often resist forgiveness by saying, “It’s too difficult to forgive.” Forgiveness may be excruciating for a moment, but anger and bitterness are excruciating for a lifetime.

Often, the people who hurt us don’t realize the magnitude of their actions. The people who mocked and crucified Christ had no idea they were dealing with the fullness of the Godhead bodily! The man who hurt me when I was a small child had no idea how much I would suffer for decades to come. Can we muster the courage to say regarding those who hurt us, “God, forgive them and help me to forgive them”?

Those who hurt us often have no idea how deeply we will suffer. If we follow Christ’s example, we will be free. We can save ourselves a lot of heartache! Learning to forgive even if no one takes responsibility for his or her actions will save us from the kind of misery that ultimately destroyed Absalom.