Leadership in Marriage
Leadership in Marriage
He said to them, “The kings of the Gentiles dominate them, and those who have authority over them are called ‘Benefactors.’ But it must not be like that among you.” (Luke 22:25–26)
Tearing Down
In our verse for today, Jesus referenced the Gentile kings who were known for their ruthless domination, and He used them as an example of how not to lead others. Dictionary.com defines dominate as “ruling, controlling, and towering above.” Consider this: One of the ways husbands “tower above” their wives is by displaying a critical nature and pointing out deficiencies and failures. Sometimes the criticism is disguised in the form of a joke or a teasing tone, yet it’s more harmful than funny. In fact, it has the effect of tearing down, leaving the wife’s need for her husband’s love and affirmation unmet.
Building Up
It is not to be like that among us, Jesus says. The godly husband doesn’t consider himself the “benefactor” as if he were solely responsible for everything good that happens (see John 3:27). Instead, he sees his wife as a unique and beloved creation of God. His focus is on what is good and right about her rather than what’s not so good or could use improvement. This doesn’t mean he puts her on a pedestal or is blind to her weaknesses, but his focus is on her strengths. His only need for understanding her weaknesses is to keep from causing injury with a careless word or deed. He uses them to add layers of protection, to help build her up. He affirms her significance as his coheir.
Bottom Line
Notice how often you offer criticism or “suggestions” instead of praise and affirmation.