What Are 'Marriage Pacts' and Are They Okay?
Imagine two individuals who, after a certain age, have found themselves single, not dating, and unmarried. These two are not necessarily in love, but have found themselves in a place of desperation to be married, so they agree to marry each other. This may sound like the beginning of a Romantic Comedy, but for some, it's a reality. Is a marriage pact a means to an end, or is it thwarting God's plan for your life?
Settling?
Often, those who have found themselves single past an age that they consider acceptable will begin to rationalize alternative routes to marriage. This is because they have made an agreement in their own heart as to what age is right to be married. This agreement can also be influenced by others who have made sneers or been judgmental, implying that something is wrong with them for still being single. Whatever the circumstance of planting, this seed of doubt bears the fruit of despair. It will make someone feel that they ought to go for what can be easily obtained at the risk of losing out entirely. This reaction is a scarcity mindset, believing that this is as good as it will ever get, and that something is better than nothing. It's vital to consider: "Is that fair to the other person, myself, and God?" Are you really entering into marriage for the right reasons?
A Leap of Faith?
A counter argument that a marriage pact is another term for settling is that a marriage pact is a parachute to take a leap of faith for those who fear commitment. For many, committing to someone in marriage is daunting, making the option to enter into a partnership through a marriage pact an easier alternative. There is also the possibility that self-awareness is not fully comprehended. Self-sabotage enters the equation when things begin to get very serious. So, in an effort to save oneself from being rejected, they derail the relationship or end it themselves. The convenience of a marriage pact would remove these fears in concept. Arranged marriages have existed forever. Often, the bride and groom did not even know one another prior to the marriage. In a way, a marriage pact can be viewed as a modern-day arranged marriage. With such an agreement, the question arises whether marriage is more of a partnership, companionship, love-match, or something else entirely.
Consequences
Every action has a consequence, some good and some not good; a marriage pact inevitably holds a consequence. This is something that statistics, surveys, and polls cannot properly predict, as it depends on the individuals involved in the marriage. If they are willing to stay the course and remain faithful, dedicated, and committed, there is a probability of a companionship and partnership existing for their lives. However, if the marriage is entered into because of fear of never finding true love, being alone, or letting others down (marrying to make someone else pleased), there is a high probability that the marriage will be exceedingly difficult. These difficulties can breed resentment, division, and toxicity. The solution, ultimately? To seek the heart of the Lord for what He would Author and desire to be done.
Seek His Heart
It is wise to seek the face of the Lord in every and all circumstances, but most especially when it comes to marriage. God knows what is best for all parties involved, not just what appears attractive on paper or feels right in the moment. Proverbs 3:5-6 is a verse to root yourself in for prayer in regards to a marriage pact, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." (ESV)
Leaning on your understanding means making your decisions based on what you can see, touch, or feel in that moment or what you consider and comprehend to be the path to take. When the Lord is sought, the view shifts and the answer given is rooted in the complete knowledge of all that was, is, and will be; it is one given of our all-knowing God. Even if the answer is not what you were expecting, not the one you desired, or does not make sense in that moment, rest assured that His path is the best for all involved.
What Marriage Means
Marriage should not be entered into lightly or for reasons rooted in fear. God not only knows what is wise or good when it comes to marriage but also what marriage is meant to reflect. God invented marriage and utilizes it to reflect Christ as the Bridegroom and the Church as the Bride. Ephesians 5:22-27 explains it: "For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." (NIV)
Human marriage is meant to reflect the holy, blameless marriage of Christ and the Church. If a marriage pact does not seek the honor of one another and ultimately the Lord in this way, marriage is being mocked and treated as a transaction for both parties to have a companion. Motives, the heart of the agreement, and the sanctity of marriage must be considered before making such a commitment.
It is frustrating and frightening to face a future with so many unknowns, which is why a marriage pact can appear ideal. What is more frustrating and fragmenting is the potential of jeopardizing the goodness that only God can author in what He offers. This is not to say He cannot use a marriage made in this way, or that He may not have a plan for it. But before saying "I do," talk to the Lord. You only get one chance at this life, and marriage is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. Let God guide you and trust that even if you do not know how, when, or in what way He will bring His will for your life (marriage or not), He can be trusted with your love life. Marriage pacts are not necessarily wrong, but without the authorship of the Lord, they will prove more harm than good.
Photo Credit: ©SWN/Chat GPT AI
Originally published July 18, 2025.
