Why Are Single People So Often Left out of Church Leadership?
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- Updated Jul 21, 2023
I have been in churches of all sizes throughout my life. I have been a member of a mega-church that had over 8,000 members, much smaller churches that had 30 to 40 members, and every size in between. Regardless of the size of the church, there is a common theme I noticed when I looked at the leadership in the church. Every person who was in a leadership position – whether they were a pastor or the head of a ministry – all shared one thing in common.
They were all married.
This phenomenon did not just exist in the churches I attended; this issue exists throughout the body of Christ. I have spoken to enough single people to know it is a reality. This leads me to wonder why single people are so often left out of leadership in the church.
Single People Don’t Even Run the Singles Ministry
One irony I found in churches who seem to shut single people out of leadership roles is it even spills over to areas where it would be logical to have a qualified single person lead. I know churches where they have appointed a married couple or a married person to lead their singles ministry. Not only are these people married, but they have been married for a long time. For some, it has literally been decades since they were single, and yet they are responsible for leading single people. If it has been twenty years since you have been single, are you really the best person to lead single people today?
I am not saying it can’t be done, I am saying does it make the most sense? We would never have a divorced person run the marriage ministry, so why do we insist that a married person run the singles ministry? It makes me wonder if churches can’t see fit to have a qualified single person run the singles ministry, how can we expect them to allow a single person to run any ministry?
Why Are Single People So Often Left out of the Leadership Picture?
Why does this rejection of single people in church leadership happen? Perhaps one reason singles are so often left out of the leadership picture is because we have misinterpreted some of the key verses commonly used to define what to look for in leaders. Here are three verses that are easily misunderstood.
“Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. Now the overseer is to be above reproach, faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach” (1 Timothy 3:1-2, emphasis added).
“A deacon must be faithful to his wife and must manage his children and his household well” (1 Timothy 3:12, emphasis added).
“An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient” (Titus 1:6, emphasis added).
Many look at these Scriptures and conclude that to be a pastor or even a leader in the church, you must be married. To that I have one word to say. Wrong, wrong, wrong (okay, that was three words).
The focus of these verses is the character of those who desire to be a leader, not their marital status. If a person is married and desires to be a pastor, deacon, or leader, they must be faithful to their spouse. They must maintain their sexual purity and sexual integrity. Guess what? Sexual purity is a requirement of every believer, whether they are married or single. Furthermore, these verses also talk about how a potential leader manages his children. Have you ever heard of a church who would disqualify potential leaders because they don’t have children? I have never seen or heard of it so why are we doing it to those who are not married?
The Irony of Ironies from These Verses
There is another irony for those who interpret these verses to say marriage is a qualifier for leadership. In this letter to Timothy, who was a young pastor, both the one who wrote this letter (Paul) and the one to whom he wrote it (Timothy) were both unmarried. The Bible gives us no record of Timothy being married when he received this letter and Paul himself said he was unmarried.
“Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do” (1 Corinthians 7:8).
So if an apostle can be unmarried and a pastor of a church can be unmarried, then clearly marriage is not a qualifier for leadership. Whether churches do this consciously or subconsciously, the time has come that we stop disqualifying people for leadership just because they are not married.
Single People Should Not Be Barred from Any Level of Leadership
When the church puts a ceiling on single people in leadership, this can have other unintended consequences. I have heard of people who were young and got married because they knew leadership would not happen if they weren’t married. Again, where do we get this thought process from? By the way, if you think being married will reduce possible sexual temptation, and that is a reason you choose married people, well, we have seen married leaders fall to temptation, so that idea hasn’t always worked either.
A Qualified Single Person May Be a Better Choice Than the Married Person
We should consider qualified people for leadership roles in the church, regardless of their marital status. We need to stop making single people feel like pariahs in the church, and this is an even greater reality the longer you remain single or never married. Single people can do more than serve in a ministry, they can lead ministries too. If you read Scripture, you could argue they might be the best candidates to do this. Consider these words from the apostle Paul.
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world — how he can please his wife — and his interests are divided…” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34).
Let’s be clear: Paul is not disparaging marriage, but he is making a point that is obvious. A single person is usually less divided in their responsibilities than a married person. For this reason, rather than overlooking a single person for leadership because of their marital status, that might be the reason they may be more qualified. Obviously, they must possess other leadership qualities, but it is tragic these qualities often get missed just because a person does not have a spouse. Clearly, this is not what God intended.
Final Thought
If you are a pastor or leader, please stop overlooking single people. Also stop adding qualifiers the Bible didn’t add. If people are called and qualified to lead, then give them the opportunity to do so. It should not matter whether they are single or married. By the way, if you think it’s a great idea to have a qualified single person lead the singles ministry, make sure you don’t make that the only place they can lead.
More from this author
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