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Bob Smiley - Home Sick on the Road

  • Updated Feb 01, 2002
Bob Smiley - Home Sick on the Road
by {{Bob Smiley}}, courtesy of {{Christian Musician}} Magazine

My wife awoke me this morning with a kiss and a surprise. "I'm going to cook breakfast for you before you leave."

Now, even though I had forgotten in my sleepy haze that today I fly out to start a small fly-date tour, the most frightening word in her sentence was not "leave," but "cook". Don't get me wrong, God blessed me with a beautiful woman both inside and out. In fact, she happens to walk on the same ground that I worship. However, God did not waste any cooking talent on this wonderful person. In fact, we have a saying at our house, "Where there's smoke, there's dinner." Now before I get 200 letters from angry women-libbers saying, "If the food is that bad, why don't you march your skinny Chef Boyardee body in the kitchen and cook something yourself!" let me say that neither of us can cook. We don't care that much about cooking. We try to cook together, working as a team. For instance, she'll make toast and I'll scrape it. So put the pen and paper down ladies, and read on.

I walked into the kitchen, stopped, dropped, and rolled. She served me a charred egg-like substance. As I was gratefully gulping it down, there was a knock at the door. It was Randy Speck, a friend of mine who volunteered to take me to the airport. I noticed that Randy brought the church van, a 1974 death trap that absorbs shock much like an anvil being dropped on a sidewalk. This van gets four miles to the gallon. You could use the gas gauge as a fan. We loaded up and started down my bumpy dirt driveway to the main road, talking about a variety of things. However after several topics came up, so did my breakfast.

I always get carsick, but this (I could tell) was going to be bad. At first I became extremely dizzy. I knew I was going to throw-up when Randy turned up the radio and sang {{Clay Crosse}}'s knew hit song at the top of his lungs, "COMES DOWN TO A MAN, DYING ON THE CROSS, SAVING THE WORLD!" What I heard was, "You're gonna need a can, lying face down, starting to hurl!"

I threw the door open and became sick all over the road. I repeated this projectile sport seven more times before we got to the airport, leaving my personal sick rendition of Hansel and Gretel all along the way. Once inside the airport, I rushed to the bathroom, secured a stall, and prepared for another performance. However, as I leaned over to be sick again, the toilet suddenly flushed right below me. I slowly raised up and saw that I was eye to eye with one of those new electronic sensors, an automatic flusher. I froze. I couldn't move. It had already detected me once, and if I leaned back over it was sure to flush at me again. I finally gave in to the magic eye and let it flush at me every time I had to lean down to be sick. The whole ordeal turned into a dancing water show that no one would ever pay to see.

I left the bathroom feeling like this was the worst day of my life. As I reached into my pocket for a Kleenex, I found a note from my wife listing the top twenty reasons she loved me. She had slipped it in before I left. That simple note completely changed my point of view. It quickly became a great day, a joyful day even. I had a written message reminding me of my wife's love!

I share this with you to remind you that God gave us the Bible to assure us how much He loves us. He has given each one of us a written message to carry with us through our trip on this planet. So, if you're having a bad day, read the note He left you. Also, don't forget that you're a child of God... call home once in awhile.