What to Do When We’re Disappointed in Marriage - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - July 28
What to Do When We’re Disappointed in Marriage
By Lynette Kittle
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” - Proverbs 27:17
It’s something many married couples don’t want to verbalize or admit, but for many, marriage can be disappointing. National divorce statistics seem to back this statement up.
Disappointment can come with unrealistic expectations, thinking our marriage will be perfect, with our spouse always being thoughtful, kind, understanding, and wise in how they handle our relationship and situations.
Expectations can include how our spouse will be as a marriage partner, spiritually, intellectually, and physically, leaving plenty of room for us to be disappointed if they don’t grow, mature, and carry themselves in a way we envisioned.
We may also feel let down and disappointed if the life we thought we’d be living is very different from the reality of the life we’re living.
Facing Disappointment
We often don’t want others to know that we’re disappointed in our marriage, wanting others to think we have a good marriage, as well as being conditioned to believe that if marriage is disappointing and not all roses, then maybe we married the wrong person, thinking that if a marriage is right and meant to be, it will be smooth sailing.
Sometimes, too, we tend to overlook God’s purposes in marriage, including refining and working things out in us, letting us struggle with disappointment, so that we might come to a place of releasing our own desires and plans to seek His will for our marriage over our own.
Maybe at times, God allows us to face and wrestle with disappointment to bring us to a place of surrender in our marriages to His purposes and will.
Steps to Keep Marriage Disappointment at Bay
Most of us don’t consider that as humans, we are bound to disappoint each other. When we come to the realization that our spouse may disappoint us, and we them, too, we learn to be compassionate, kind, loving, and caring when our spouses let us down.
Yet, what do we do when we experience disappointment in marriage? The following are three steps we can take to keep our marriages intact during disappointing times.
1. Ask God for a change of heart. Disappointment is a heart condition, often based on unfulfilled expectations, hurt, and wrong attitudes. We can ask God to change our hearts from one of disappointment to one of hope.
As Psalm 51:10 asks, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Likewise, Ezekiel 36:26 reminds us of how God can renew our heart, saying, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
2. Serve our spouse. Taking our eyes off ourselves and our disappointing feelings often helps us to realign our expectations for marriage with God’s purposes. A way to do that is to look for ways to serve our spouse.
Especially if we believe they are not treating us kindly or with thoughtfulness, we may really struggle with serving them, but Ephesians 5:21 is where to start: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
When we do, we stop dwelling on their weaknesses, frailties, sins, and our disappointments, taking our eyes off ourselves and letting God do His work within us, as Ephesians 4:2 encourages, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
3. Forgive and forget. Often, couples say they have forgiven each other, but have they forgotten? Remembering is an indication that they haven’t really forgiven their spouses, because whenever something comes up, they remember what happened before.
Yet, as couples, we want to forgive as God forgives us. In Psalm 103:12, He assures us, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
As well, in Hebrews 8:12, we see how God connects forgiveness with forgetting, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.”
Dear heavenly Father, help me to look towards You and Your will and purpose in my marriage, rather than looking at my own expectations. Teach me how to serve my spouse, loving them the way You love me. Lead me to seek to honor and glorify You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Capuski
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
Related Resource: The Truth Every Overwhelmed Christian Mom Needs to Hear
Feeling overwhelmed by motherhood? Wondering how to prioritize your faith when you're barely keeping up with everyday life?
If you've ever ended the day feeling guilty because you didn't have time to read your Bible, pray, or spend quiet time with God, you're not alone.
In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with author, speaker, and Equipping Godly Women founder Brittany Ann to talk honestly about the challenges young Christian moms face. Together, they explore how to grow closer to God without adding more pressure to an already full life.
Brittany shares her own journey of balancing marriage, motherhood, ministry, and faith, along with practical encouragement for finding God's peace—even in the middle of exhaustion and chaos.
Like what you hear? Be sure to follow I Wish You Could Hear This on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
