3 Signs You're the Nagging Wife - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - August 3
3 Signs You're the Nagging Wife
By: Peyton Garland
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.” Proverbs 21:19 (NIV)
“You’re the nagging wife…” my husband complained—except, he wasn’t complaining. He wasn’t yelling. He wasn’t belittling. He wasn’t intimidating. He was respectfully speaking the truth that I didn’t want to hear.
I’m a fixer. When I see a problem, my brain creates two or three solutions and processes which one is the most feasible (in my often uneducated opinion). Then, I get this nasty, impatient tunnel vision that drags everyone else down my one-way road to solving the current problem.
But truthfully, these “problems” are usually more of a small nuisance that I want resolved to better convenience my life, or a selfish want that I’m getting too impatient waiting for.
I must ask myself: Am I more concerned about preserving my pride and protecting my definition of how things should go, or am I more concerned with creating a peaceful, healthy, communicative home where my husband and sons feel loved and respected as image bearers of the Almighty?
I fought this idea that I was the nagging wife for years. Yes, years. I’d rather save you some time (and plenty of marital disputes) and offer three simple signs that you might just be that nagging wife:
1. You Don’t Consider Their Schedule
Predictable rhythms and routines indeed create a natural sense of stability in the home, especially for children. It naturally calms anxiety when we have a general expectation of what comes next in our day. However, I’m married to a man who travels for work, and each month, his schedule is different than the month before. He’s a pilot, so our schedule can quite literally change as easily as the weather.
This easily makes me flustered when I’m trying to establish a routine at home that includes things I want and need to get done that can’t be accomplished if he’s not at home to help with the kids or the heavy lifting. As a result, I want to blame him—not the nature of his job that provides for our family—for my internal stress. I expect him to be the regulator of my cortisol, as if I’m not a grown woman with the Book that offers wisdom and encouragement for all levels of stress.
All the while, I’m not considering how his schedule might stress him. It’s late-night flights and early morning flights, in and out of airports, bustling from the freezing Canadian climate to the steamy, humid air of the Bahamas. It’s living in hotel rooms, surviving on fast food, and being away from family.
His schedule is hard too, and in this fast-paced world that demands we all find some sense of rhythm, have you ever stopped to consider the stress of his schedule before accusing him of not showing up the way you want, when you want?
2. You Don’t Consider Their Sacrifice
As I mentioned, my husband gives up time away from his sons. He’s mentioned how hard that is, especially in the newborn and baby phases. I get to see the first time they coo, shake a rattle, roll over, and crawl. He often misses those big milestones because he’s working to ensure that I get to stay home to witness it all.
He gives up far more than time. He gives up moments with his family. He gives up memories meant to be stored for the latter years, when memories are all we truly have to hold. His sacrifice is truly immeasurable.
All too often, I forget this, and the moment he walks in the door from a five-day trip, I’m rattling off house projects, errands, and to-dos that I need him to focus on.
When was the last time you considered how much they sacrifice each day? How much do they sacrifice to better love and serve you?
3. You Don’t Consider Your Mental and Emotional State
I’m an expert nagger when I’m high on stress and low on food intake. Chasing a toddler while jostling a three-month-old, I easily skip lunch, forget to brush my teeth, and miss out on precious hours of sleep. My body’s natural response is high stress, and that’s not only understandable but biological. However—and this is a big however—I can’t allow external factors to dictate how I internalize my situation and, thus, treat others.
My cortisol won’t stand before God and give an account for how it stewarded the lives it was gifted on earth. I will. And I want to steward these relationships well.
This means that before I’m ready to launch into a fight, when I think I’m right, when I think he’s being lazy, and when I can feel that edgy part of my mind that wants to pick an argument, I should answer God’s command to forsake all others, myself included, and consider my spouse first. If I’m operating from a place of anger or frustration, it’s my responsibility to take those feelings to the Lord and work out my perspective on a situation.
Then, and only then, am I prepared to bring a concern to my husband in a way that isn’t nagging, but is truly ready to collaborate and problem solve.
Action Steps:
1. Go to God in humility and ask Him to reveal ways you might nag your husband. Reflect and repent where necessary.
2. Make a list of the little things your husband does for you each day. Does he make your morning coffee? Take out all of your Amazon boxes? Do bath time and story time with the kids to give you a few moments to yourself? Consider thanking your husband for those things today.
3. Plan a surprise date geared toward all of your husband’s favorite things!
Photo Credit: GettyImages/Deagreez
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