Why Is Pre-Marital Counseling and Prayer Important for Couples? - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - July 27
Why Is Pre-Marital Counseling and Prayer Important for Couples?
By: Michelle Lazurek
“A seed well sown is a tree half-grown” is a sentiment that embodies the idea that preparing something properly will give it a greater possibility for success long-term. The same concept can be said when it comes to marriage, which is why practices such as pre-marital counseling, prayer, and good communication are beneficial before the wedding day. When couples are equipped well together, they can navigate what awaits them with tools, resources, and wisdom.
What Is the History of Pre-Marital Counseling?
Although it often holds the connotation of being old-fashioned, pre-marital counseling is a relatively new concept in the field of assisting marriages. Originally founded in Germany, the first counseling centers opened in the United States during the 1930s out of necessity. The effects of the Great Depression went far beyond high unemployment numbers, but also massively impacted the American family. According to PBS, “By 1940, over 1.5 million married women were living apart from their husbands. The number of marriages dropped precipitously as well. But the most dramatic decline was in the birthrate, which for the first time in American history dropped below the replacement level. During the 1930s, Americans produced nearly three million fewer babies than they would have at the 1929 rate. Most middle-class couples limited their families to two children.” This led to the rise of integrating therapy for couples before marriage to help improve those statistics on-going and to strengthen the relationship before it hits the altar. Historically, this form of therapy is typically faith-based or influenced and is offered through a Church, therapist, or a couple who have years of experience when it comes to marriage. In understanding the reasons why, it quickly rose to a standard practice for young couples, which helps to reveal that at any age, regardless of the economy, it is utilizing wisdom to receive good counsel.
How Can You Get Pre-Marital Counseling?
Churches, books, and therapists alike still offer this service to members and non-members alike. In many ways, communicating with a future spouse that it is something of importance to institute before walking down the aisle is another way of conveying the hope of success in matrimony. Couples ought to do research on who offers the opportunity, the belief system or mission statement of the Church or practice, and reviews from past clients to ensure that it is in step with the Word of God, and will be a nice fit from a personality standpoint. Taking advantage of content such as topical sermons, books, and even asking advice from highly esteemed elders can also add to the experience as a whole. Most importantly, seeking God together through prayer for His guidance will prove the greatest resource for wisdom of all.
Why Should Couples Pray Together?
Prayer is vital for each person, for it is the direct communication between God and His child. When couples pray together, it invites the Holy Spirit of God to not only bless the relationship, but also to speak to His children separately and together as one. As Genesis 2:24 explains, “a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh” (ESV). This oneness is made even stronger when prayer is cultivated in a marriage. When God is made a priority, and a first response, not an afterthought or a last resort, there will always be a multitude of benefits and blessings. More than anything, it will foster a deeper connection for the closer the couple gets to God, they will get closer together as well. According to the Institute of Family Studies, “Researchers have found that prayer’s gravitational pull on the marital relationship includes positive outcomes of forgiveness, trust and unity, decreased infidelity, and increased relationship satisfaction and commitment, particularly when couples pray for one another (i.e., intercessory prayer). Our research shows that prayer may also lead to greater mindfulness of the effects of one’s actions on a spouse, a lessening of negative feelings, and “a shift to God’s meta-perspective” and relationship orientation that lessens anger and frustration. Prayer can be a self-soothing and de-escalation practice. Prayer has also been associated with improved conflict resolution for religious couples. Enhanced intimacy, commitment, and communication are also positive effects that prayer appears to confer on a marital relationship.” (The Institute of Family Relations). It is clear that prayer changes marriage.
How to Navigate Together
Navigating the course together also offers the blessing of offering one’s own ideas, desires, and input to the greater goal. Making lists of what is most vital to have in a therapist or counselor(s) is one way of participating together, and it also sets out the tone for the communion, not just one person leading the effort. This steers the couple towards communicating what they want, what they need, what is non-negotiable, what is nice to have, and what their own comfort level is in the process. For some, the idea of therapy can stir emotions or provoke anxiety, whereas for others it is a very common aspect of life. Through sharing in a healthy way comfort zones, long-term desired results, and coming together for a shared outcome, even in just planning a counseling journey, there will ultimately be good fruit. Don’t forget to not just plan in your own hearts, but to ask the Lord to grant you both wisdom, conviction, and clarity in how to operate in a way that is not only honoring to Him, but is fitting with His plans for you both. As Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” (ESV) God knows, sees, and holds the future in His hands, so lean on His guidance above all else.
Why Does it Matter?
Ultimately, preparing well is a way to steward the gift of marriage well. Marriage is something many people desire, but they must understand that with such a treasure, great responsibility is required. An aspect of preparing well for marriage is also to seek God for His choice of a spouse. Consider the metaphor given in Luke 11:11, “What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” (ESV). Although some have not had the best experience with an earthly father, all can know that our Heavenly Father earnestly wants His best for us. In Ephesians 5, Paul explains to us that as the Church, we are the Bride of Christ, so with that in mind, God has already given us His best Spouse through Jesus Christ as Bridegroom. Earthly marriage is intended to reflect Christ and His Bride of the Church, but in order to live that to the fullest, we must let God direct our steps. Seeking His heart for marriage for the person, the preparation, and the precise timing is essential for a truly godly marriage.
Sources:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10087549/
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/04/premarital-counseling
https://twojourneys.org/sermons/series/mark/oneness-in-marriage-mark-sermon-48/
https://ifstudies.org/blog/when-religious-couples-pray
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Giuseppe Lombardo
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