Grieving Together - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - July 13
Grieving Together
By Vivian Bricker
Bible Reading:
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
On your wedding day, thoughts of the hardships and losses that may arise throughout life rarely cross your mind. Instead, your focus is on marrying your best friend and envisioning the future you will build together. This is both natural and beautiful. However, it can also leave couples unprepared for one of life’s most difficult realities: grief. Before marriage, conversations often center on dreams, goals, and milestones, while discussions about loss and how to navigate it together are frequently overlooked.
If neither spouse has gone through a period of grief, it probably didn’t pass either the husband's or the wife’s mind. And know that this is completely okay. However, it is important to start learning how to manage grief together. As a married couple, it is essential to take time to understand each other and help one another during times of grief. Parents, friends, and even children may pass away. This is why it is necessary to learn how to process grief together.
During grief, it is easy to lock yourself away. This was certainly true for me after my mother passed away. I no longer wanted to talk to anyone, including those who were closest to me. Grief has a way of isolating you and leading you into a deep darkness—a darkness known only to those who have walked through it before. Therefore, in a way, it is hard to be prepared for grief without knowing what to look for in the first place.
Whenever you or your spouse goes through grief, you have to lean on each other. Whether you are both experiencing grief at the same time or not, you need to lean on your spouse and allow your spouse to lean on you. As husband and wife, you have a special bond that cannot be easily broken. Utilize this special bond by connecting with one another on a deeper level. Share your feelings and don’t be afraid to be honest with your unfiltered thoughts.
If you are the one going through grief, tell your spouse exactly what is on your mind. They will not be afraid of your real feelings and thoughts because they love you. In the same way, if your spouse is the one going through grief, become a safe place for them. This will help them in many ways, including having comfort, peace, and security in knowing they can share all of their feelings with you.
We don’t need to waste our time trying to portray ourselves as “perfect” because none of us are. Rather than continuing to try to put on an armor of perfection, we need to be honest and real in our dealings with our spouse. After all, our spouse is the person we are around all the time—there is no way we can fake every action each day. This includes the process of grieving because our spouse will see every tear we cry.
There will also be times when husbands and wives will grieve together. This might be due to the loss of a child or falling on unfortunate times. Husbands and wives can learn to grieve together by building each other up, being a safe space for one another, and, most importantly, turning to the Lord. The Lord will help you and your spouse feel the comfort and peace you both need.
Our Bible verse today tells us this truth, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4). This passage tells us that God will wipe away every tear from our eyes, death will be eradicated, and there will be no more mourning, crying, or pain. Instead, the new order of things will be brought in, prompting the establishment of the New Heaven and New Earth.
When you and your spouse are grieving together, find comfort in God. He sees each tear you shed, and He will surround you both with comfort. The pain you are feeling now might last a long time, but it will not last forever. A day will come when all of your pain, tears, and grief will be fully healed. Look forward to this day with your spouse and allow God’s love, peace, and hope to fill your heart.
“Dear God, please help my spouse and me to learn how to grieve together. Please also help me to know what to do when my spouse is going through grief, and please help them to know what to do when I’m going through grief. Help us to both look forward to the New Heaven and New Earth, where every tear will be wiped away by You. I give You all the praise. Amen.”
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/milan2099
Related Resource: Why Couples Drift and How to Reverse It
What happens when a marriage starts drifting apart — and one or both spouses wonder if it’s even possible to reconnect? If you’ve ever felt discouraged, lonely, unseen, or unsure whether your marriage can recover, this conversation offers practical wisdom and genuine hope.
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