Allowing Grief into Your Marriage - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - June 2
Allowing Grief into Your Marriage
By: Vivian Bricker
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
Many people think of grief as an ugly word. They would rather avoid grief at all costs instead of having it present in their lives. Even though grief is something that is often avoided by most people, the truth is, none of us are immune to grief. All of us will go through periods of grief and we cannot control these times.
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, therefore, we cannot predict when grief will end. My mother passed away almost ten years ago and I still have grief. However, I no longer see grief as something that should be avoided. Now, I see grief as a friend. It walks beside me and reminds me of the love I have for my mom. Even though she is no longer here, my love for her is still present.
This is because grief is not a bad thing. It is the natural manifestation of the love we have for someone. To grieve for someone is to love them. Whether we are single or married, grief has a way of entering our lives. Instead of trying to push it away, it is important to leave space for grief. You or your spouse might start going through grief and it doesn’t do either of you any good if you try to minimize each other’s feelings.
If you are the person going through grief, you need your spouse to be there for you. You need their support, comfort, and love. In the same way, if your spouse is going through grief, you need to extend support, comfort, and love to them. Sadly, many of us think our spouse is indestructible. We feel as though nothing could ever derail them, but this is not true.
Grief can derail your life, yet it is not always in a bad way. It causes us to slow our pace and look at the things that matter. For example, ever since my mom passed away, I have taken notice of the little things, such as the changing color of the leaves in the fall, how the wind blows the trees, or the first bloom of spring. I never took time to notice these things before because I didn’t truly understand what it meant to slow down.
Grief had a way of forcing us to manage our pace. We take more time to look out the window, slow down on walks, and take longer to reply. All of these things can help us truly appreciate life and the people around us. While everyone’s grief journey looks different, you don’t have to walk through this season alone. Allow God to be with you and don’t push your spouse away.
Instead of trying to avoid grief at all costs, allow it to come into your marriage. It will not destroy your marriage. If anything, it might actually strengthen your marriage. Seeing your spouse going through grief can help you become more sympathetic, caring, and understanding towards them. Similarly, when your spouse sees you go through grief, it will make them want to comfort you and surround you with the support that you need.
When we allow grief into our marriages, we are leaving room for God’s power. The Bible tells us, “For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). As this passage says, weeping may last for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. The grief you are experiencing now might last for quite some time, but there is joy in the morning.
This is because of the goodness of God. The favor He has for us lasts a lifetime. Even though we might fall on hard times, such as dealing with grief, He can work these things out for His good (Romans 8:28). God loves you and your spouse, and He wants to see your marriage become even stronger. Sometimes grief is the best way to do this as it will bring you closer as a couple.
“Dear God, I have tried to avoid grief at all costs for most of my life. Please help me to allow grief into my marriage. I see now that grief isn’t necessarily a bad thing and it can actually strengthen my marriage. As we are going through grief, please bring my spouse and I peace, comfort, and love. In Your Son’s Name, I pray, Amen.”
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
