Be Intentional in Your Communication - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - July 31
Be Intentional in Your Communication
By: Michelle S. Lazurek
"Though seeing, they do not see; though hearing, they do not hear or understand." Matthew 13:14
My husband and I have significantly improved our communication throughout our twenty-five years of marriage. At the beginning of our marriage, we talked to each other, but we failed to understand each other. This is one of the communication mistakes we made, and one we sought to rectify throughout the years.
However, when it comes to issues in our marriage, what we hear is not always what we say. For example, I might ask my husband if he took care of a particular financial matter in our home. If he has forgotten or hasn't done it, I become irritated and let him know he needs to take care of it. I remind him how he told me he would and tell him he needs to follow through. However, what he hears is not what I said.
My words say, "This matter is essential to me, and I need you to take care of it." However, what he hears is, "I'm not a good husband," or "I'm not a good person."
Intentionality is imperative in a marriage, and that includes our communication. We need to be intentional not only about hearing the words our spouse says, but also about understanding them. Although the above verse discusses our limited understanding of the Lord and the pursuit of salvation, it can also be applied to marriages. We can be stuck in old communication habits. We can hear the words that are spoken, but misinterpret them in dangerous ways. We can allow Satan to plant doubts in our minds about who we are or how good a person we are to our spouse. This can malign the Word of God.
Just as it is essential not only to read the Word, but also to do what it says, it is also necessary to hear our spouses and perceive their underlying meaning. It is not wise to insert our emotional wounds that have not yet been processed into our spouse's content. When we do this, we sabotage the success of our marriages. When we misinterpret a person's meaning, we can form false impressions about that person. This causes love to stunt rather than to grow. This is not God's intention for marriage.
Our communication skills can improve when we choose to be more intentional about hearing what our spouse says and not misinterpreting it by inserting other meanings or assumptions into the conversation. Communication is a crucial skill in the success of any marriage, as two people can't hear what the other person is saying. Instead, inserting their lies and wounds in the conversation can wreak havoc on a marriage. Soon, couples no longer communicate at all, but rather avoid speaking to each other about superficial matters and important ones.
Marriage is the mirror of Christ and the church. How we love our spouses reflects how God loves us. We tell an unbelieving world who God is through how we treat our spouses. Suppose we stop listening to them and stop being intentional about listening simply because we have preconceived notions about that person or how they perceive us. In that case, we are already undermining a healthy marriage before it even begins.
When you communicate with your spouse, do you convey your intended meaning in the conversation? Do you have unresolved emotional issues that get expressed in your communication simply because you haven't taken the time to address them? It's essential to take care of your emotional health so you can be intentional about your marriage, especially in your communication. If a couple doesn't hear the spouse with the purest of intentions, they will read into the meaning more than is necessary. This will cause a breakdown in communication and, ultimately, the marriage.
Don't allow misconceptions and assumptions to sabotage your relationship. Be intentional about really listening to your partner. Be someone who perceives and understands them truly, not inserts their erroneous beliefs.
Prayer:
Father, let's be intentional couples who communicate. Let us not only hear our spouses' words but interpret their meaning correctly. Let us rid ourselves of any emotional health issues that may deter us from really knowing our spouse. Let us be a couple who not only hears but also perceives. Amen.
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
