5 Ways to Help Lift Up Your Spouse
by Lynette Kittle
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor”—Ecclesiastes 4:9
Do you ever experience times where your spouse doesn’t seem to be doing their fair share of participating or contributing in your marriage? Whether financially, helping out around the house, parenting, spending time with you, or more?
If so, how do you motivate your husband or wife to become more involved in your marriage? Where do you begin?
Below are five ways to start.
1. Pray for Your Spouse. Start by praying for your spouse, asking God to uplift and encourage him or her. Ask Him to lead you in praying for them.
Ephesians 6:18 encourages us to pray on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests, keeping alert to keep on praying. It’s important for us to keep our spouse a top priority in our prayer life.
2. Look Behind It. Has there been a major event in your husband or wife’s life such as losing a loved one, a job, a home, an important opportunity, or other? Has he or she experienced a huge disappointment in their personal or professional goals? Is a health issue hindering your spouse’s ability to actively participate in your relationship? Or is a career or job demanding more of their time and energy?
My husband and I have gone through many of the above and thankfully as Ecclesiastes 4:10 explains, if either of us falls down, one can help the other up.
If you don’t know what has happened to cause the change, ask God to show you what might be behind your spouse’s lack of participation or withdrawal from their usual marital involvement.
3. Keep Alert. The devil seeks ways to turn husbands and wives against each other, looking for ways to bring strife and disunity to marriages. By keeping alert to his methods, we can recognize his underhanded ways.
1 Peter 5:8 urges us to “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
When the enemy gives thoughts of turning away, we can choose to turn towards our spouse. And if tempted to see them as our enemy, we can choose to look at them as our partner.
4. Build Up Your Spouse. Telling your spouse where they are lacking, rarely works in helping to motivate them to shape up but often leads to them giving up. Instead look at their strengths. Find ways to build them up.
Rather than dwelling on all the ways your husband or wife is falling short, ask God to remind you of the ways your spouse has contributed to your marriage over the years.
Ask Him to lead you in encouraging your spouse, like Hebrews 10:24 urges. “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
5. Seek Ways to Minister to Your Spouse. Instead of pulling away because your spouse has dropped the ball at home, look for ways to serve and care for them.
Scripture encourages us to, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins”(1 Peter 4:8).
Likewise, Proverbs 3:27 urges us, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act.”
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, iBelieve.com, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
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