What if My Spouse and I Can't Agree on a Church? - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - November 18
What if My Spouse and I Can't Agree on a Church?
By: Vivian Bricker
“In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:6)
Many married couples face the dilemma of which church to attend each Sunday. The wife wants to go to one church while the husband wants to go to another. This can cause disconnection and discord within the marriage. While some married couples choose to go to separate churches, this is not advisable. Everyone can make their own decisions, but as a married couple, it is best to be on the same page and to attend the same church.
Going to separate churches will cause confusion not only for you and your spouse, but also for the congregation. They will be unsure why a married person is at their church without their spouse. Or they might assume you are a widow or a widower. Another theory they might think of is that your spouse is not a believer. As one can see, not attending church together can cause much confusion.
Moreover, church is a time to connect with the body of believers as well as your spouse. If you and your spouse are not attending the same church, you will not be on the same page. You will learn one lesson on Sunday, while they will learn another. If there is no communication being put forth, then both the husband and the wife will begin to feel absent from the other’s life.
This is dangerous because it can cause a real disconnect in your marriage. Attending church together as a married couple is an essential part of your relationship. It shows the outside world that you are proud to be with each other and desire to learn more about God together. From the moment you and your spouse were married, you were bound together.
This means that nothing needs to impair or puncture your marriage. Going to different churches will cause problems for your marriage and cause you to become disconnected from God. If a husband or wife becomes a member of a church that their spouse is not a member of, it may expose them to temptation. Since their spouse is not there, they might be more prone to develop feelings for someone else at church.
If this happens, it can make the husband or the wife of this individual feel slighted and blame God for the infidelity. As believers, we need to strive for unity with our spouse; this cannot happen unless you and your spouse are on the same page. Choose to attend the same church, even if it means sacrificing the one you really wanted to attend. It is better to lose a church than to lose your spouse.
While this is an extreme example, it can happen. We need to equip ourselves with this knowledge and understand how intimate church can be. Spending time with our spouse at church will strengthen our marriage, but attending a different church each Sunday can lead to its deterioration. Choose to talk matters out with your spouse and come to a decision together.
The Bible tells us, “In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:6). This passage is relevant to us at the present time because it tells us what we should do. If we submit our ways to God, He will make our paths straight. We can do this by going to Him in prayer, asking Him which church we should attend, and asking the Lord to strengthen our marriage.
God hears each of our prayers and will give us guidance (Psalm 32:8). While it may take some time before we clearly understand God’s decision, we can start visiting a few churches together as a married couple and wait for God’s will to be revealed to us. As we visit churches, we can sense whether we feel God's presence and the love of His people. With time, God will direct us and help us determine which church we should attend long-term with our spouse by our side.
“Dear God, my spouse and I can’t seem to agree on a church. My spouse wants to attend one church, while I want to attend another. We are submitting our ways to You and asking You to show us which church we should attend. We are giving You complete control. In Your Son’s Name, I pray, Amen.”
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
