Don’t Use Sex as a Weapon - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - May 3
Don’t Use Sex as a Weapon
By Michelle Lazurek
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. In it, he talks about the five ways people give and receive love: acts of service, quality time, gifts, physical touch, and words of affirmation. People likely receive love the way they give love. For example, if a spouse writes love notes or compliments you regularly, they receive love through words of affirmation. However, the person gives love the way they receive love, and the other person may not receive it the way they expect.
For example, one spouse may be a person who loves words of affirmation. However, the other spouse may be a person who receives love through acts of service. When those acts are not committed, a person can feel emotionally neglected, and this can contribute to the deterioration of their sex life. This is because when one person feels unloved or uncherished, they may not want to give themselves sexually to the other person.
If they communicate this clearly to the other spouse, yet does not experience any change, it may be tempting for the spouse to take it out on the other sexually. This means a person withdraws and deprives their spouse of sex to get what they want, which is love and affection. When gone unchecked, a couple may abstain from sexual relations for many months. This can contribute to other issues like pornography, lust, and other forms of infidelity, including a physical affair.
One of the main ways a marriage can suffer is if one spouse deprives the other sexually. Like a sword, they wield their body like weapons. Because they know the spouse can't take sex from them, they use it because its the only thing they can control. Therefore, they withdraw their body from the other person, using it as a bargaining chip to get what they want: the love and affection they crave.
However, intimacy with God is the only way we get unconditional love. Often, couples place their expectations for unconditional love and support on their spouse. This devalues the other when a spouse can't fulfill the other completely with the deep love and affection they crave. Therefore, both spouses begin to become argumentative in conflict. One argument can lead to two, which, if not checked properly, can lead to many fights. This conflict can lead to the breakdown of the marriage. Soon, the couple finds themselves contemplating divorce or separation and can't remember the last time they were happy.
The above verse prohibits couples from using their bodies as weapons. The only time sex should be withheld is if a couple mutually agrees upon this because they are seeking the Lord. While participating in the spiritual discipline of fasting, they may abstain from sexual relations to seek the Lord wholeheartedly. This is because their interests are divided when two people become one flesh. A single man wholly devoted to the Lord will have a heart divided once he marries. This is because he has other responsibilities like a wife and children to provide for and work to complete to meet their basic needs.
Just as with our words or actions, we can also withhold sex from our spouse. Because this act is only enjoyed within the context of marriage, it is tempting to use it as a weapon. Spouses can use their bodies to reject each other. Because the spouse feels this form of rejection, they may look for validation and other sources, including pornography and other areas.
Do you withdraw your body or withhold sex from your spouse? When couples withhold their sexual desires from each other, they are allowing Satan to have a foothold in their lives. They’re allowing not only infidelity into their bed but also Satan. For a healthy marriage, give yourself regularly to your spouse, which will enable them to satisfy their sexual desires with you.
Lord, let us honor our marriages by celebrating our spouses with our bodies. Let us give ourselves wholly to the other with no strings attached. Let us come to you and allow your desire for unconditional love and support to come from you. Let us not allow rejection or neglect to give Satan a foothold in our marriages. Amen.
Photo Credit: iStock/Getty Images Plus/silverkblack
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