Help! I Don’t Like My Husband’s Friends - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - June 11
Help! I Don’t Like My Husband’s Friends
By Vivian Bricker
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20).
Many of us do not like our spouse’s friends. This is what happened to a friend of mine recently once she met her husband's friends for the first time. Rather than being kind and friendly gentlemen, they were very loud, rude, and problematic. They had strange views when it came to ethics and politics, and had a negative view of women. This made my friend feel poorly about herself, but it also made her question her husband's judgment of people.
She asked me, “Why would he be friends with people like that?” While I didn't have an answer for her, I did know that she could address this issue with God and her husband. Both God and her husband cares about her and wants her to be comfortable. If my friend goes to another function where her husband's friends are there, it will probably be a terrible time due to their inappropriate behavior and rude comments. Therefore, the first advice I gave her was that she probably didn't need to meet up with them again.
God doesn't want us to put ourselves in bad situations or in a situation where others will be mean to us. Once she had acknowledged she was not going to meet with her husband's friends again, I also told her that she needed to talk to God and her husband about these issues. Later that day she sent me a text and said that she had brought her concerns to the Lord, poured out her heart to Him, and asked me to pray over the matter too. She also said that she was going to talk with her husband once he got back from work.
A few days later, she sent me another text, detailing her exchange with her husband. Originally, she was scared to address the issue with him as she knew these were her husband's friends from a long time ago; however, he was not upset when she brought her concerns to him. She told him that his friends were rude, inappropriate, and mean to her. He didn't chastise her nor did he yell at her. Instead, he sat with her in her feelings and acknowledged that what they did was wrong.
Fast forward to a few months forward, her husband talked to his friends about their behaviors and they had already been convicted by their actions. They apologized to my friend as well as to her husband for their words, actions, and behaviors. The apologies and repentance were truly shown in each of their lives and now my friend, her husband, and his friends regularly meet up together and there is no tension or bad blood between them.
This is why it is important to go to God in prayer and talk with our spouse when we don't like their friends. It could be a good opportunity to bring some issues to light as well as to deepen our relationship with each other. If you are finding yourself in a similar situation as my friend, choose to follow the steps above. While it might not work out as well as my friend's situation did, it is best to cut off contact with anyone who makes you feel awful, go to God in prayer, and talk with your spouse about the issue at hand.
God will always be your strength and give you guidance as to what you should do. Your husband will listen to you, be there for you, and understand the pain his friends inflicted on you. Many of us are similar to my friend and we are afraid to bring up these topics, but we don't need to be. Our husbands love us and they don't want their friends to harass or belittle us. Choose to talk with your spouse today and trust God with the rest.
The Bible says “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20). As this Bible passage tells us, we need to choose our friends wisely. This is true both for us and our spouse. If we or our spouse surround ourselves with bad friends, we will suffer harm. This is why we need to be careful with who we choose our friends to be and caution our spouses on any of their friends who don’t seem to be following the Lord.
While some people might think this comes from a heart of judgment, it is not true and your spouse knows this. When you bring concerns to your spouse, be authentic and show your real concerns. This will help your spouse to know you are concerned about their friends and you don’t want them to be surrounded by people who will negatively influence them. Your spouse will appreciate this and take what you say to heart.
“Dear Jesus, I don’t like my husband’s friends. They haven’t treated me well nor do they treat my spouse well. Please give me confidence to talk with my spouse about this issue and help them to be open to hearing me out. Equip us with the tools we need in order to work through this issue and give me strength. I praise You, Amen.”
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Finn Hafemann
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