Listen, Speak, Repeat - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - August 2
Listen, Speak, Repeat
By: Michelle Lazurek
Walking into my favorite coffee shop, with my computer bag in hand, I settled into my favorite spot with my favorite latte, ready to communicate God's message through the written word. I brought a pair of headphones, I plugged them into my phone, and placed them over my ears. Once the music began to play, I couldn't hear anything around me. Later, a woman from my church entered the coffee shop. She sat at the next table. She didn't speak to me, but looked over my way often. After a while, she finished her drink and left.
That following Sunday, that woman came up to me. She said, “I wanted to talk to you about something going on in my life, but you looked like you didn't want to be bothered.” What a poor example I had set! In that moment, I wished I were more in tune with what was happening around me. I was so focused on what I wanted to do in that moment that I put headphones over my ears to prevent distractions. While it helped me get my work done, it was far from the example of Christ, and I wanted to portray to my church.
It has been said, “We have two years and only one mouth for a reason. We can listen twice as long as we speak.” This statement not only applies to our lives but also to our marriages. The most profound form of communication occurs in marriage. Most relationships with coworkers, friends, or acquaintances only reach a superficial level, scratching only the surface of communication with facts and maybe some feelings. However, trust and intimacy are developed through communication in a marriage relationship.
However, when one spouse only wants to speak and not listen to the other, it can cause a barrier in their communication. At the same time, it is essential to communicate thoughts and feelings to your spouse in a safe environment. It is more important to listen intentionally. It's critical to speak about our issues and concerns and be there for our spouses. We need to listen for what they are saying and what they're not saying. When we use our spirit of discernment, we can get to the bottom of real soul issues that, when pinpointed, can lead to spiritual growth. However, this is difficult to achieve when a spouse cares more about speaking than listening.
Listening with intentionality requires active listening. Active listening is listening to the spoken words as well as the tone and gestures that fuel that communication. When we listen to our spouses and are careful not to misinterpret what they say but rather repeat what they say, our spouses can feel valued, appreciated, and loved.
Additionally, it is essential to ask clarifying questions when necessary. Sometimes, when our spouses speak, we need help understanding what they say. It's OK to point this out by saying, “What I hear you saying is…” This statement allows the spouse to clarify anything misinterpreted or misspoken. While it may feel uncomfortable to ask questions and not merely dispense advice or fix the situation, practicing active listening and asking clarifying questions can add tremendous value to your marriage.
The difference between a good marriage and a bad marriage is intentionality. When I act with intention by listening, asking questions, and being supportive and helpful to my spouse, my spouse can feel valued, validated, and loved. The spouse who speaks twice as much as he or she listens is not acting with intentionality. However, a spouse who cares less about what they have to say and more about being there for their spouse through listening and good communication can make or break their marriage.
Father, help us act with intentionality during our marriage. Allow us to practice active listening and ask clarifying questions when necessary. Allow us to care less about talking about our issues or concerns and focus on being supportive and helpful to each other. Let us show care and concern for our spouses through listening and supportive communication, allowing them to feel valued, loved, and appreciated in our presence. Allow our listening skills to be the living example of Jesus to our spouse. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio
Related Resource: The Truth Every Overwhelmed Christian Mom Needs to Hear
Feeling overwhelmed by motherhood? Wondering how to prioritize your faith when you're barely keeping up with everyday life?
If you've ever ended the day feeling guilty because you didn't have time to read your Bible, pray, or spend quiet time with God, you're not alone.
In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with author, speaker, and Equipping Godly Women founder Brittany Ann to talk honestly about the challenges young Christian moms face. Together, they explore how to grow closer to God without adding more pressure to an already full life.
Brittany shares her own journey of balancing marriage, motherhood, ministry, and faith, along with practical encouragement for finding God's peace—even in the middle of exhaustion and chaos.
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