Love, Honor, and Cherish - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - August 18
Love, Honor, and Cherish
By: Michelle S. Lazurek
"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Romans 12:10
My husband and I have been married for almost twenty-five years. At the beginning of our marriage, we would have big fights, resulting in both of us apologizing for what we did wrong. As the years passed, those significant conflicts were minimized into minor spats. Soon, those bold statements became a small back-biting comment here or there. Instead of listening to my advice, my husband ignored it. He chose not to listen to me when I spoke. He spoke to me when he needed something or to vent about a problematic work day, but when it came to my leadership advice, he was quick to ignore it. This made me feel more used than an old, wet washcloth.
Because of his treatment of me, I have difficulty trusting him. I don't trust that he'll make the right decisions for our family or church. We can blame each other for our treatment of each other, resulting in this lack of trust. But over the years, I've come to realize one thing:
We don't honor each other.
Honor is a "good name or public esteem…a showing of usually merited respect." However, both definitions refer to how we treat each other in public, and how we refer to our spouses in public reflects how we treat them behind closed doors. A lack of respect for their opinion or advice, even if it's worth taking, will soon result in gossip and slander about our spouse, ruining their reputation in public. Although we love each other, we don't honor each other the way we promised to honor each other.
Honor goes beyond the fundamental commitment to love them, be faithful to them, and not say harsh things to them. Honor also goes beyond speaking each other's love language. Honor results from our actions that allow someone to have a good name. The second definition is especially poignant as we show our spouses honor even when they haven't earned it. In the same way we are called to love our spouses even when they don't do things worthy of love, we honor them publicly and privately, even if they haven't earned it.
Take a moment and analyze how you honor your spouse and your marriage. Do you find you lack honor in your marriage? Does your spouse honor you in the same way you honor them? In what ways can you honor your spouse in your marriage?
The above verse tells us we should outdo each other in showing honor and respect to one another. It doesn't matter whether your spouse honors you or not. It is your duty to honor them even when they haven't earned it. Interestingly, Paul chooses to link honor and brotherly love. When we love others, we honor them as well.
What does honor look like in your marriage? It may mean taking your spouse's advice when they give it. Perhaps it means lending a listening ear beyond what your capabilities—or patience—will allow.
It may mean respecting their boundaries and space when they're still processing their emotions about an issue. Encourage them with loving words, even after a big argument. Not only will you fulfill your duty to honor them, but you will also become richer in humility.
God calls us to honor our spouses. Honor is often attributed to the military or people of high regard. Generations in the past used to celebrate their president with admiration and respect. Passersby honored the military by saluting and thanking them for their service when they returned from war.
Honor is an action. Ask the Lord to reveal ways in which you can honor your spouse. Discover ways to give them the respect and esteem they deserve, even if they have not earned it.
Father, we may love our spouses but often do not honor them. We honor you above all else. In the same way, we must honor our spouses the way we honor you. Help us place our spouses above our own opinions of ourselves. Help us discover ways to honor our spouse so that, in turn, we may honor you as well. Amen.
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
