What Do I Do When My Spouse Is Emotionally Far From Me? - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - November 10
What Do I Do When My Spouse Is Emotionally Far From Me?
By: Vivian Bricker
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." (Hebrews 13:4)
Many couples face not being as close as they used to be. This can be either emotionally, sexually, or physically, or all three. Whenever a husband and a wife are distant from each other, it causes problems within the marriage. Maybe you have noticed that your spouse has been distant from you. They might not be planning dates with you as much, or they may turn you away when you initiate intimacy.
All of these things can make you feel bad about yourself. You wonder, "What is going on with my spouse? Do they not want to be with me anymore? Are they seeing someone else?" All of these questions are valid, but you don't need to jump to conclusions right away. There are many reasons why your spouse might be distant that have nothing to do with you or adultery.
Think about what your spouse has been up to lately. Have they been working longer hours? Have they recently experienced a tragic or traumatic event? Have you recently had a fight and never worked things out? One of these things could be the reason why your spouse feels far from you. By addressing any of these issues, you may find an answer to your question.
For instance, if your spouse is suffering from depression, this could explain why they are not being as involved with you emotionally, sexually, or physically. Rather than blaming problems on them, talk with them about what is going on. Be there for them, listen to them, and ask how you can help. It may be that the best thing you can do right now is to listen to them and provide a safe space for them. This can go a long way in their heart and help them to know that you truly care about their struggles.
As another example, maybe your spouse is turning you down when it comes to intimacy because they are suffering from body image issues. This problem has nothing to do with you—maybe they gained some weight after having the baby, or are generally not feeling confident in their body. If this is the case, help your spouse know that you love them just as they are and that you are absolutely attracted to them. These small acts of love and genuine feelings can help your spouse feel more confident in their skin.
There are some times when your spouse might feel emotionally distant because they are seeing someone else, but as believers, we don't need to jump to this conclusion too soon. Choose to talk matters out with your spouse and listen to them. Most likely, it is not as bad as you originally thought. Remember your spouse loves you and there is probably a reason they are struggling right now. By taking the time to be with them and listen to their feelings, they will be more prone to be open with you in the future about any personal struggles.
Hebrews 13:4 tells us, "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." While most people focus on the second half of this passage, we are going to be focusing on the first half of this passage. The writer of Hebrews instructs us that marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure. Marriage can be honored by you and your spouse through genuine connection, active listening, and mutual support, as you carry each other's burdens.
Jesus wants us to care and love our spouse just as He cares for and loves the church. If we follow Jesus' teaching to love our spouse, to honor marriage, and to keep the marriage bed pure, then we will have a happier marriage. We won't feel far from our spouse anymore because we will be truly connected with them. Marriage takes a lot of work, but it is worth it. Love Jesus, love your spouse, and continue to breathe life into your marriage.
"Dear God, my spouse has been feeling far from me recently. Please help me to be level-headed and to talk my concerns over with them. I don't want to jump to conclusions or try to accuse them of something they haven't done. Equip me with the self-control to talk matters over with my spouse and to truly listen to them. I trust that we can work through any problem with Your help. In Your Son's Name, I pray, Amen."
Related Resource: 3 Simple Ways to Feed Your Spouse More Praise
How often do you intentionally stop to praise your spouse? To recognize and affirm their character or actions? Many of us probably cringe at answering these questions because we know we could do better! If you struggle to feed your spouse praise regularly, this episode is for you. Listen in as we share some practical steps we all can take to criticize less and affirm and build up our spouse more. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
