When Your Spouse’s Job Starts Interfering with Your Marriage - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - August 1
When Your Spouse’s Job Starts Interfering with Your Marriage
By Vivian Bricker
“Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken” (Psalm 55:22).
A friend I know is married to a doctor. He works at the hospital and often works 12-14 hours a day. While it is undeniable that he is being overworked, it is very common for those who are in the medical field to work long shifts and be away from their family for long periods of time. When they get home, they have energy to eat, get a shower, and head to bed before having to do it all over again. As one can imagine, this can put a serious strain on a marriage.
This is certainly true for my friend, and it has caused her to second-guess her spouse and his career. While it is not right to leave your spouse simply because they are busy at work, it is important to try to cultivate the marriage. My friend and her husband have yet to work through these issues, but with thoughtful communication, intentionality, and help from the Lord, their issue can be resolved. The good news is that if you are going through something similar, it can be repaired.
Nobody likes it when they barely get to see their spouse because they are always at work. This can be challenging, particularly if you have young children. Rather than taking out frustration or anger on your spouse, try to meet them where they are. Bring up the conversation and ask your spouse how they are feeling about the disconnect in your marriage. It could be that they have been so consumed with work that they haven’t even thought about how it has been impacting your marriage to them.
While this can cause us to become more resentful, we need to acknowledge that many of our spouses are working high-stress jobs, such as my friend’s husband. They cannot control their schedule; therefore, there is no reason to take our frustration out on them. Instead, we need to build up from ground zero and start cultivating intentionality within our marriage. This might be scheduling a date night each week or picking up your spouse after work to go for a fancy dinner.
Think about all the things you can do to help bring the spark back into your marriage. However, if your spouse’s job is interfering with your marriage to the point that you never see them, it could be time to look at changing working hours if possible. For example, if your spouse is working 14-hour shifts each day, try to see if they can switch to working 10-hour shifts. In the same way, if your spouse is currently working seven days a week, what would it look like if they started only working 5 days a week?
By adjusting working schedules and times, you could help yourself to have more time with your spouse, but you have to communicate this need. Don’t expect your spouse to “just know.” Share with him or her your desire to spend more time with them and how their work schedule is impacting your marriage in a negative way. Your spouse loves you, and they will be more than willing to work through this difficult situation with you.
Whenever we find ourselves overwhelmed with stress concerning our marriage, we need to turn to God. Psalm 55:22 says, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” As we are told in this passage, we need to cast our cares on the Lord, and He will sustain us. He will never let us be shaken.
Rather than feeding into the lies that this present situation will destroy our marriage, we need to lean on God and cast our cares on Him. Any concerns we have about our marriage, we need to give them over to the Lord. If this is about our spouse’s work schedule or how they are never at home, bring these concerns to the Lord. In the same way, if our spouse seems unaware of the issues at hand, bring this matter before the Lord, too.
God will sustain us and help us in all circumstances. Marriage is not a walk in the park, as there is much effort that has to be put forth. Go to the Lord today and choose to trust in Him. Your marriage will be repaired, and your spouse will work with you.
Don't be afraid to speak up, go to the Lord, and trust Him with the outcome. However, if you choose to remain silent, it could cause your marriage to suffer in the long-run. Therefore, choose to talk to God about the issue as well as your spouse. Together, you will be able to work toward a solution and navigate a better work-life balance.
Dear Jesus, my spouse is barely at home because of their job. It has caused our marriage to suffer, and I feel they don't even care about the issue at hand. Please help me work through this issue with my spouse and help them figure out a better work-life balance. I trust You, Lord, and I thank You, Amen.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Vitaly Gariev
Related Resource: The Truth Every Overwhelmed Christian Mom Needs to Hear
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If you've ever ended the day feeling guilty because you didn't have time to read your Bible, pray, or spend quiet time with God, you're not alone.
In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with author, speaker, and Equipping Godly Women founder Brittany Ann to talk honestly about the challenges young Christian moms face. Together, they explore how to grow closer to God without adding more pressure to an already full life.
Brittany shares her own journey of balancing marriage, motherhood, ministry, and faith, along with practical encouragement for finding God's peace—even in the middle of exhaustion and chaos.
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