Why Your Spouse Should Speak Your Love Language Frequently - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - August 23
Why Your Spouse Should Speak Your Love Language Frequently
By Michelle Lazurek
"Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others." Philippians 2:4
When my husband pastored one of our first churches, there was a young couple who were fairly new to marriage. They were having some difficulty in their marriage and wanted some help. My husband and I met with them for marriage counseling.
When I asked the husband, “How do you show love to your wife?” he said, “I give her flowers.”
The wife responded that flowers were nice, but she would really rather have him say something nice to her. We asked him if he understood what she was saying. I reiterated that when he says a kind word, it shows her love. Then I asked, “Would you be willing to incorporate that into your marriage?”
He said no.
When I asked him why not, he said, “Because my dad always gives flowers, and that’s how I show love—with flowers.”
A common marriage statistic states that marriage is 50/50: each person puts in 50% of their time, energy, and resources, with the expectation that they will receive 50% from their spouse. Each person puts in an equal amount of work, and they should get a great marriage. But anyone who has been married for a long period of time knows this is hardly the case. Many situations throughout the years dictate when one spouse must put 100% into the marriage to continue to make it work.
According to the above verse, each spouse must put in 100% of their time, energy, and resources for the other person, not for themselves. It’s not a healthy expectation to put in only half of yourself and expect the other person to do their half. This verse in Philippians tells us that we need to constantly look to meet the interests of others, not our own self-interest.
Furthermore, the couple we met with for counseling needed to understand that it was not about how each spouse wanted to give love or how they thought they should give love, but rather about giving love freely in the way their spouse needed it. A spouse who truly cares about the other person will seek to do whatever it takes for that person to feel the love they need and deserve.
This especially applies in our marriages. When we love our spouses, we are always to look to meet their interests, not our own. This can be as simple as letting them pick the place for a date or speaking their love language regularly. We should never show love only in the way we think we should show it. Rather, we should be in tune with the needs of our spouse.
When a spouse needs encouraging words, say them. When our spouse needs our time and attention, give it. If they want a particular gift, save up your money and surprise them. Seek to serve your spouse freely, without any strings attached. If your spouse likes physical touch, hug them as often as possible.
We glorify God when we honor each other in our marriages. Our spouse may be here today and gone tomorrow. As with anything in life, seek to steward your marriage well.
Marriage is not the time for selfishness. Each person must give freely of themselves in their marriage. When they choose to spend 100% of their time, energy, and resources toward the well-being of their spouse, they will reap a blessing so great that there will be no room for them to feel deprived in their marriage.
Father, let us look to the interests of our spouse in our marriages. Let us speak their love language frequently so they constantly feel loved, valued, and appreciated. Let us not speak only our own love language or give what we think our spouse needs. Rather, give us knowledge of who they are and help us speak their love language so they can receive not only earthly love but heavenly love as well. Amen.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Prostock-Studio
Related Resource: The Truth Every Overwhelmed Christian Mom Needs to Hear
Feeling overwhelmed by motherhood? Wondering how to prioritize your faith when you're barely keeping up with everyday life?
If you've ever ended the day feeling guilty because you didn't have time to read your Bible, pray, or spend quiet time with God, you're not alone.
In this episode of I Wish You Could Hear This, Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn sit down with author, speaker, and Equipping Godly Women founder Brittany Ann to talk honestly about the challenges young Christian moms face. Together, they explore how to grow closer to God without adding more pressure to an already full life.
Brittany shares her own journey of balancing marriage, motherhood, ministry, and faith, along with practical encouragement for finding God's peace—even in the middle of exhaustion and chaos.
Like what you hear? Be sure to follow I Wish You Could Hear This on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
