When You Don’t Know Why You’re Anxious - The Crosswalk Devotional - July 21
When You Don’t Know Why You’re Anxious
By Jennifer Slattery
Bible Reading:
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV).
I’ve experienced chronic anxiety for as long as I can remember. Until about five years ago, I assumed this was mostly biological, with a few uncomfortable scenarios sprinkled in. And while there may have been some truth to that, I’ve since learned a lot more occurred beneath the surface than I realized.
That was a problem, because it’s hard to manage something with roots below conscious awareness. But one day, as I read Psalm 139, a thought hit. The lord knows me better than I know myself. He sees things in my soul that I don’t, and He lovingly shines His healing light into all those spaces where lies and unprocessed hurts reside.
From that day on, I began praying today’s passage, asking God to reveal everything within me that weakened my relationship with Him and hindered my peace.
David, ancient Israel’s second king who penned Psalm 139, began with a declaration of a truth I find comforting. “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me” (v.1). Not because God needed increased information. The Lord knew everything about him, since before he took his first breath.
He then expanded on this in verses 2-4, saying,
“You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.”
David was saying, “You know every thought, concern and motive.”
The same is true for us. The Lord knows every task weighing heavily on our hearts, every frustration we’ll encounter, and each moment that might challenge our peace and self-control. He sees the pits ahead of us and the detours we’ll feel tempted to take.
Some find this depth of knowledge intimidating, maybe because they don’t understand God’s heart. The One who probes the deepest places within us is the same God who gave us His Son, that we might live.
David understood this grace. In 1 Samuel 25, he became enraged and nearly annihilated an entire household because of one man’s offense. But the Lord used a wise woman named Abigail to stop him. Later, when David should have been out commanding his army (2 Samuel 11:1), he instead remained home, casually ambling upon the palace rooftop, which was designed to allow kings a bird’s eye view of their land, including the people they ruled.
While there, he happened to see a married woman in the land below performing her post-menstrual ritual, per Jewish law. David lusted after and used his authority and royal officials to take her.
In modern days, this would’ve fallen well within the #me too movement, because I highly doubt, in this patriarchal society where men often treated women as property, that Bathsheba had the ability, not to mention courage, to refuse the “request” of royal officials or the advances of a king.
Then, as if that wasn’t atrocious enough, upon learning his victim was pregnant, he had her husband killed—to hide his sin.
Yet, although he did experience consequences, he also received grace (Ps. 51), considering the extent of his sin, extreme grace.
Because that’s the promise God made. When we confess our sins, every and any sin, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us of all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).
He never searches our souls to condemn us. Rather, He probes and illuminates to cover our biggest faults with mercy and undeserved favor.
Everything He does and allows flows from these two motives: One is to bring us flourishing life characterized by love, joy, and peace (Galatians 5:22-23). His second is to reveal His glory, which is another way of saying who He is in all His attributes. His goal? To awaken our awareness of His greatness so that we would turn to and depend more fully on Him, which is the only way to experience the thriving life Jesus promised in John 10:10.
Intersecting Life & Faith:
The more we grasp Christ’s heart and ways, the more we want him to reveal those things that are keeping us stuck—in anxiety, fear, anger, bitterness, rage. Whatever distorts our perspective and causes us to behave in ways contrary to who we truly are.
Let me read today’s passage again, and perhaps make this your prayer:
Search me, God, and know my heart.
To the ancient Hebrews, the heart was the source of our motivations, thoughts, and will, including our subconscious.
“Test me, Lord.” Look beyond our external behavior to examine those thoughts, motives, and patterns, conscious or not, triggering our anxiety.
But here’s the beautiful part. God reveals what’s harmful within us in order to lead us one step further on His path to thriving, everlasting life.
The fact that the Lord preserved this prayer in Scripture indicates He intends for us to actively pursue this level of transformation. To invite Him to reveal whatever is keeping us from full, thriving life. That’s a powerful step toward living free.
Further Reading:
Jeremiah 17:9-10
Hebrews 4:12-13
Isaiah 26:3
How did today’s devotional speak to you? Share your thoughts in the Crosswalk Devotional discussion.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Bulat Silvia
Jennifer Slattery is a writer and speaker who co-hosts the Faith Over Fear podcast and, along with a team of 6, the Your Daily Bible Verse podcast. She’s addressed women’s groups, Bible studies, and taught at writers conferences across the nation. She’s the author of Building a Family and numerous other titles and maintains a devotional blog at JenniferSlatteryLivesOutLou
She’s passionate about helping people experience Christ’s freedom in all areas of their lives. Visit her online to learn more about her speaking or to book her for your next women’s event, and sign up for her free quarterly newsletter HERE and make sure to connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, and GodTube.
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