Criticize in Private, Praise in Public - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional
Criticize in Private, Praise in Public
By: Laura Bailey
"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." Proverbs 18:21 ESV
"'Okay, that's all for today. We've covered a lot of ground, but I would like to leave you with one final piece of advice,' the pastor said optimistically. My betrothed and I were nearing the end of our and only counseling session. Leaning forward, taking my hand, and placing it over my future husband's, the pastor shared, 'Criticize in private, praise in public.'"
Fortunately, we both came from Christian homes due to generations of biblical marriages. Our parents encouraged us to spend significant time in prayer and strongly urged us to meet with our pastor before saying, "I do." Gratefully, both my now-husband and I were on the same page and eagerly looked forward to our sessions with the preacher. We knew he was a wealth of biblical wisdom and a godly man whose marriage was one to emulate, so we were beyond thrilled he could meet with us.
"Well, thank you. We enjoyed today. When will we meet with you again?" I inquired. A gentle smile formed at the corners of his mouth, "That's all I had today; my time with you is complete," he warmly responded. I didn't try to hide my shock; I thought we would need weeks, possibly months, of pre-marriage counseling; how could we be prepared for a lifelong commitment with only an hour's instruction? Seeing my furrowing brow, in his calm and soothing tone, he said, "Sweetheart, at this point, there's nothing more I can say or not say about your upcoming marriage. You either know or you don't."
Recalling the session to our parents later that night over supper, I shared my shock that we wouldn't see our pastor further. My mom assured me that if he had any hesitations, he would have said so and nudged me to share the most important thing I took away from our time that night. As I sat and thought about the Bible verses, practical advice, and the sage words of experience he shared, I couldn't help but linger on his closing remarks.
How often had I spoken critically of my future husband, openly sharing my frustrations and inviting others into our private spats and disagreements? While I could easily recall praising him publicly, they were few and far between. As I thought about the quiet car rides leaving a dinner with friends, the tense days following a family gathering, or the distance between us due to my flippant remarks, I was overwhelmed with guilt.
My pastor was right. We didn't need hours of instruction. If I (we) followed the commandment to love others as ourselves, our marriage would thrive. Simply learning to keep our disagreements and grievances private wouldn't ensure a happily ever after, but it was a good start.
Many anniversaries have passed since we said, "I do," I am still reminded of those simple yet powerful words of wisdom. When I have the opportunity to impart advice to newlyweds, these are always the first I share; they are simple advice but powerful applications.
Prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank you for our spouses. We know that our words are powerful; we ask that we always use our words to bring life to our marriages. Help us to remember to lift our spouse, champion them in front of others, and deal with transgressions privately. We love you, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Challenge:
Think about the best piece of advice you've received from marriage. Why was it so impactful? Are you still incorporating those words of wisdom into your marriage?
She lives in Upstate South Carolina with her husband and three young girls, where she serves as director of women's ministries at her church. Her passion is teaching the Bible to women, equipping them to live with an eternal perspective. Invite Laura to speak at your next event or learn more: www.LauraRBailey.com We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.
