Forgive Like Jesus Even After Decades Together - PLUS Marriage Devotional
Forgive Like Jesus Even After Decades Together
By: Jennifer Waddle
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32 ESV)
Being kind after decades of marriage can be challenging. Just ask my husband of almost 34 years! Admittedly, I’ve always been the grumpy one, so I’m speaking to myself when I say kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness are key characteristics of a healthy marriage.
For the last few years, I’ve approached forgiveness differently; I now ask for Jesus’ help. My prayers often go something like this: “Lord, with Your help, I sincerely choose to forgive my husband and release him to You now. Please bless him, Lord, and help my words and actions bless him as well.”
This way of praying has made a huge difference in my heart posture. It has taken me beyond mere words of forgiveness to intentional actions of blessing. Any walls I’ve built between me and my husband (knowingly or unknowingly) come tumbling down through authentic forgiveness.
Jesus forgave often, not only in sincerity and truth, but with blessing. To forgive like Jesus is a wonderful goal for every marriage, even after decades together. Here are a few Biblical examples:
Forgive Quickly
“Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’” (Mark 2:3-5)
I love this example of Jesus forgiving upon sight. Without a word, He witnessed the faith of those who believed and offered forgiveness. Then, He followed through with the blessing of healing.
Imagine how healing it could be to forgive quickly in your marriage. Letting the small things go, how fruitful could your marriage be if you dealt with forgiveness immediately instead of allowing roots of bitterness to grow?
Hebrews 12:15 says, “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
May our words be gracious, kind, and forgiving, resisting every bitter root, in Jesus’ name.
Forgive Absolutely
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” (Isaiah 43:25)
In his prophetic words, Isaiah mentions the totality of Christ’s forgiveness. It’s not temporal but eternal. Because we’re human, we’re tempted to keep a record of wrongs against our spouses. One mess-up stirs up past offenses; before we know it, we’re entangled in a web of unforgiveness.
Forgiving our spouses “absolutely” means we handle each transgression separately. We address it, confess it, and commit it to God once and for all. This doesn’t mean it won’t be brought to mind again, but because we’ve dealt with it appropriately, it won’t be held against our spouse.
Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”
May we remove our spouse’s past transgressions so they will no longer hinder forgiveness, in Jesus’ name.
Forgive Repeatedly
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” (Matthew 18:21-22)
There’s a whole lot of forgiveness that happens when you’ve been married for decades. Hurts, wounds, miscommunications, and even trauma require deep healing and true forgiveness in order to move forward.
When Jesus told Peter to forgive seventy-seven times, He wasn’t putting a number on it, but rather, indicating the limitless times forgiveness would be needed. For some couples, it’s daily. For others, it’s rare. The important thing is to follow Jesus’ command to forgive as often as it takes.
Luke 17:4 says, “Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.”
May we lose count of forgiveness, willing to offer grace as often as possible, in Jesus’ name.
Let’s Pray: Gracious God, thank You for decades of marriage that have taught me so much about Your heart of forgiveness. Keep my heart soft, Lord, filled with Your tender mercies and humble Spirit, so I am ready to forgive my spouse as often as needed. I am grateful for the example of Your Son, Jesus, my true example of love and forgiveness. In His name, amen.
Application: Use my prayer from the introduction as a template for your own prayers, saying, “Lord Jesus, with Your help, I sincerely choose to forgive my spouse. I ask You to bless them, and I choose to bless them.”
Challenge: What area of forgiveness is most difficult for you? To forgive quickly, absolutely, or repeatedly? Confess this area of weakness to the Lord and ask for His strength.
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