Processing Grief Within Your Marriage - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional

Marriage is a beautiful union between a man and a woman. The marriage covenant was created by God, and it is good. However, there can be many negative things that happen within marriage. We can hurt our spouses, and our spouses can hurt us. A hurtful word or a hurtful comment is enough to send any of us spiraling, much less when it is coming from our spouse. 

Whenever we are faced with pain and hurt from our spouse, we will also experience grief. Most of the time, we only think of grief in the context of someone who has passed away. However, grief can appear for many reasons. Maybe you are not experiencing the death of a loved one, but you feel like your marriage is going through a hard time, or you are grieving what your marriage once was. Your spouse has changed, has been diagnosed with an incurable illness, or a mental illness has made them into someone they are not. 

It is okay to grieve these changes. In a way, it is still the death of something, but not in a traditional way. It is more so the death of the spouse you once knew. Some wives and husbands feel guilty for grieving their spouse when their spouse is still alive. Since they are still alive, they feel like it is somehow wrong. 

Wives and husbands don't need to feel this way because it is okay to express their feelings. If your spouse has changed because they lost their ability to walk, then it is normal to grieve how this will change your marriage. In the same way, if your spouse has been diagnosed with depression or PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), then it is okay to grieve the loss of your former partner. While your spouse is still there, they are not the person they once were. 

Leave room for your feelings and allow God to enter the picture. We never need to discount God’s power and His ability to bring us peace. He is always for us and never against us (Romans 8:31). He is our biggest supporter in life, and He is always ready to listen to our prayers. 

The Bible tells us, “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak” (Psalm 31:9-10). As the Psalmist states, we can also call out to the Lord to be merciful to us. 

When we are in distress, our eyes grow weak with sorrow, and our soul and body are overcome with grief. Our life is consumed by pain and anguish, our strength fails, and our bones grow weak. This is exactly what grief feels like, as it has the power to completely flip our lives upside down. It takes our happiness and places it in the darkest pit. 

Despite this pain and grief, God will establish our steps once again. He will give strength to our weary bones. Although the grief will continue, God’s grace and provision will continue all the more. What is required of us is to faithfully follow Him, go to Him in prayer, and study the Bible. The more we do these things, the closer we will be to God and the more at peace we will find ourselves. 

While we cannot control the exact circumstances or occurrences that will happen during our marriage, God will help us to make it through the hard parts. He is faithful, loving, and forgiving. Allow yourself to grieve and to also know that it is okay to smile, to laugh, and to walk in the sun. It might feel heavy now, but the light is coming.

Let’s Pray: 
“Dear Jesus, I am experiencing grief in my marriage for a different reason than death. My spouse has changed and they are not the same person I originally married. Due to physical and mental health issues, sometimes I feel the person I married has passed away. Help me to grieve the relationship we had and the better health they experienced prior to these struggles. Surround me with your warmth, kindness, and comfort. I trust that You will bring strength to my weary bones. Amen.”
Application Question: What change, loss, or disappointment within your marriage do you need to honestly bring before God instead of carrying alone?
Challenge Question: This week, how can you create space to grieve what has changed while still choosing one loving, grace-filled action toward your spouse?
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages

Vivian Bricker obtained a Bachelor of Arts in Ministry, followed by a Master of Arts with an emphasis in theology. She loves all things theology, mission work, and helping others learn about Jesus. Find more of her content at Cultivate.

We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.