When Your Marriage Feels More Like a Roommate Situation - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional

All marriages go through good and bad seasons. Sometimes life is going great, and sometimes not so great. Then there are other seasons when life becomes busy and routine. You are more tired than usual because you are extra busy. During these seasons, conversations focus solely on schedules, chores, and problem-solving. You share the same space, but not your hearts. You function well together but feel distant. In this season, you feel more like roommates than husband and wife. I’ve been there. Life gets busy, and you’re both distracted, and suddenly you realize you haven’t communicated with each other much lately. This is when you also realize it's time to reconnect and set priorities in order.

Though this can be a painful place, we still have hope. When we experience emotional distance from our spouse, it doesn’t mean we don’t love them anymore. It just means that life has crowded out intentional connections with each other. Our marriages aren't designed to thrive on logistics alone. It also needs to thrive on connection, prayer, forgiveness, and shared pursuits.

God designed marriage between two people for them to be companions to each other. The verse above reminds us that two are better than one because not only can we divide chores between us and our spouse, but because we strengthen one another. Every couple has someone who is better at something than their spouse. For example, you may be great at managing the finances, and your husband isn’t. Or your husband knows how to cook and you can barely boil water. Maybe your spouse has great knowledge of cars and can fix things reasonably, but you know nothing about cars. We all have strengths that complement our spouse, and vice versa. Your spouse isn’t someone you just manage life with; God gave them to you to walk beside you.

If you are feeling distant in your marriage today, try taking some small steps to feel closer to your spouse. Look at your spouse with fresh eyes, as when you first started dating. Take a few minutes and remember all the outstanding qualities they have that drew you to them. The next time you see them, instead of focusing on what needs to be done, ask them how they are really doing? Put away phones and distractions and spend fifteen minutes genuinely talking to each other. Offer kindness first, pray for each other, and rebuild closeness one small step at a time.

God can breathe life back into your marriage. He can restore warmth, friendship, and affection where routine has taken over. What feels lifeless and flat today is not beyond his reach.

Reflection Questions.

• In what ways have we become more focused on tasks that need to get done than on each other?
• What small step can I take today to reconnect with my spouse?
• How can I invite God into the emotional distance in our marriage?
• In what ways has our marriage felt like roommates?
• What is one area where I have been distant or disengaged?
• What does my spouse need from me emotionally right now?

Practical Steps Toward Reconnection

• Rebuild conversation. (Ask: How are you really doing?, What’s been weighing on you?, and What do you need from me right now?)
• Make time with each other intentional by ignoring phones and other distractions.
• Practice small acts of affection.
• Address unresolved issues. 
• Pray together.

Spiritual Application

God not only wants marriages to survive, he wants to renew them. He can breathe life into routines, heal distance, and restore joy. Marriage renewal often begins with repentance.

• Repenting of apathy
• Repenting of selfishness
• Repenting of neglect
• Repenting of bitterness

When both spouses turn back to God, they will turn back to each other.

Let’s Pray.

Dear Lord,

Thank you for my spouse, who is truly a gift to me. Please forgive me for the times when I’ve settled for simply existing rather than loving my spouse with intention. Please help us renew our connection despite us feeling distant right now. Teach us how to listen, serve, and cherish each other again. Help us transition from roommates back to a couple and from routine to love. 

Amen. 

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

Carrie Lowrance is a freelance writer and author. Several platforms, including Crosswalk, iBelieve, Huffington Post, and The Penny Hoarder, have showcased her work. She is also the author of the clean romance series, The Steele Family Saga. When she’s not writing, she enjoys cooking and baking, reading, and hanging out with her husband and sweet cat, Cupcake. You can find out more about Carrie and her writing at www.carrielowrance.com.

We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.