Worried You’ve Lost That Spark? Do This - Crosswalk PLUS Marriage Devotional
Worried You’ve Lost that Spark? Do This
By: Noelle Kirchner
“Love burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away” (Song 8:6?–7).
There is an excitement that you hope you will always feel for your spouse when you get married. The reality is that excitement can last, but it takes two things. First, it takes careful relationship tending. Second, it takes an understanding that the spark will change with time. A changing spark doesn’t mean that it gets weaker. In fact, it’s the opposite. The butterflies of early love evolve into a deeper, vulnerable dependence that’s beautiful. Scripture says that “love burns like a blazing fire”; love is a gift from the hand of God that reflects his character. To protect this gift and tend it well, there are many things that you can do in your marriage:
1. Shepherd your time wisely. Funny enough, both too much and too little time with your spouse can negatively affect your spark. If you spend too much time together, it’s easy to become enmeshed and lose any element of mystery. It’s actually good to miss each other! If you spend too little time together, however, the connection between the two of you will suffer. Make sure you have regular connection times with your spouse that you can depend on. The right balance will look unique to every couple.
2. Serve your spouse. Yes, intimate time together is important, but other things can also cause your spouse to lean in closer. Get to know your spouse’s love language. The gift of a home-cooked meal, home maintenance task, act of affection, quality listening session, or well-timed compliment all have the potential to fill your spouse’s bucket. If you do something out of love for your spouse that they appreciate, it can help keep your spark burning. Plus, service helps to biblically shift our perspective from “What can I get out of this?” to “How can I love well?”
3. Maintain healthy expectations. The modern tendency in marriage is to expect too much from our spouse. It’s the “you complete me” Jerry Maguire model. While it’s tempting to want this, the reality is that your spouse can never fill the role that was intended for God. God sent you a companion, not someone who can read your mind. God sent you someone to love, not someone who can fulfill your every need. Frankly, expecting too much from your spouse won’t enhance your relationship; the strain of it can dampen your spark. Consider a reality check if needed.
4. Keep things fresh. Switching things up and having time away together can be a great remedy for a flickering spark. Try a different restaurant on date night. Start a new hobby as a couple; sharing a common interest can be a wonderful bonding tool. Also, schedule time away from your usual routine and have fun. Laugh. Allow yourselves to take a deep breath and let loose. Maybe you have a favorite vacation spot that helps you do this—some couples enjoy going back to their honeymoon places for major anniversaries, for instance. Provide opportunities to rediscover what you enjoy most about each other over and over again.
5. Practice self-care. Don’t overlook yourself in an effort to maintain your relationship and spark. It’s hard to give to others, including your spouse, when your own well is dry. Are you happy? Are you taking care of yourself? Eating well and exercising, for instance, not only releases mood-boosting endorphins, but they can also enhance your longevity and give you more years with your spouse. Plus, the smile of someone who is healthy and balanced is attractive. Live like you know that you are God’s beloved child, because you are!
6. Honor God. We worship a God who can bring life to dry bones. Allow God to help you tend your spark; pray about your relationship and ask for his wisdom. He is invested in the success of your covenant. While you can approach him individually, you can also come before him with your spouse. Try to establish daily prayer time together, even if it’s just the Lord’s Prayer at the end of a long day. Worship regularly and read the Bible together. Ask for forgiveness quickly, and honor the light of Christ in each other.
If something feels off, it's an indicator that your spark needs attention. Some might be tempted by adultery in search of that spark somewhere else; double down on your marital commitment and honor the Bible instead. The best things in life take work, and marriage is no exception. While these tips are helpful, they are not exhaustive. Find what works for you. As always, if you need more help, find a Christian counselor. While your spark may change with time, God can help it burn even brighter!
Let’s Pray: Dear God, help me tend to the spark in my marriage. May its light reflect yours. In Christ’s name, Amen.
Application: Which tip most resonated with you? What can you do to put it into practice this week?
Challenge: Can you discern a regular pattern to difficult periods for you and your spouse? Talk about how you can preemptively navigate this hurdle better together.
We hope you and your spouse are challenged and encouraged by today's devotional! For more of this premium marriage devotional, visit here.
