"Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude." 1 Peter 3:8 (NLT)
What people say in a conversation is not nearly as important as what they are feeling. Many times, someone is saying one thing and feeling another.
If you're going to be a great listener, then you need to look past people’s words, even when what they're saying is offensive. Hurt people hurt people, and words are an effective weapon. When people lash out or get defensive, it’s often because they're afraid, insecure, or frustrated.
Once you recognize that, it becomes much easier to focus on listening to what they’re really trying to say. It’s much harder to be sympathetic when you think they’re being unkind just because they’re spiteful or mean.
Words don’t always give you the whole picture. You sometimes have to look for the open nerve. You have to look at what the person has experienced. You have to ask why this issue may be a big deal to them. You listen for the pain, understanding that sometimes the pain doesn't have anything to do with you. Some pain is so deep it clouds every interaction someone has. The words may just be a mask for pain.
Learning to listen with love means looking past the things people are saying to what they might be feeling.
"Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude" (1 Peter 3:8 NLT).
When you're humble, you're open to new ideas. When you're loving and sympathetic, you don't bite back. If people get angry with you, you know to look past their anger and ask, “What are they afraid of? What are they anxious or fearful about? What has hurt them?”
You won’t always know people well enough to understand exactly what’s pressing on their nerves. You may not be able to figure out what’s going on with their emotions. When that happens, you just have to give them the benefit of the doubt. You have to choose humility and kindness over getting the last word. You have to give people grace instead of getting even or making your point.
Even when faced with harsh words, a great listener always chooses love.
Rick Warren is an innovative pastor, renowned author, and global influencer known for founding Saddleback Church, the Purpose Driven Network, the PEACE Plan, and Hope for Mental Health. He has written several best-selling books, including The Purpose Driven Life, which has sold over 35 million copies in 200 languages. Time magazine named Warren the most influential spiritual leader in America and one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Since stepping down from the lead pastor role at Saddleback in 2022, Warren has continued to inspire people through his Daily Hope Devotional and podcast Pastor Rick’s Daily Hope. His first book in a decade, Created to Dream, was released in April 2023.
For more Daily Hope with Rick Warren, please visit pastorrick.com!
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Let God’s Word Guide Your Relationships
God created us for connection, and the Bible has so much wisdom to offer about our relationships.
That’s why Pastor Rick created the Relationship Scripture cards. This collection of 52 full-color Bible verses is designed to encourage you and guide your relationships every day. Each card is easy to carry in your purse or pocket and simple to memorize, so God’s Word is always close when you need it most.
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Rick Warren is the founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Southern California with campuses in major cities around the world. He is the author of The Purpose Driven Life, which has been translated into 90 languages and sold more than 50 million copies in all formats. You can listen to his daily radio broadcast at PastorRick.com.
