“I am trusting you, O LORD, saying, ‘You are my God!’ My future is in your hands.”Psalm 31:14-15 (NLT)
There are two experiences that absolutely everybody goes through: birth and death. No matter where you live, the mortality rate is the same: 100 percent. Everybody dies. The Bible tells us, “No one can live forever; all will die. No one can escape the power of the grave” (Psalm 89:48 NLT).
When it’s your friend or family member who’s at the end of their life, how can you help them? To offer support, you need to understand what they’re going through.
Everyone reacts differently, but there are some common stages that people typically go through in preparing for death. They’re the five stages of grief. They were first identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. And you can find similar themes in the book of Psalms.
Understanding these five stages of grief will help you understand—and support—a friend or family member who’s preparing for death.
Stage 1: Denial
When someone is given the news that they’re going to die, they may respond with denial. Denial says things like, “This isn’t really happening to me.” Denial really is just a form of fear. As Psalm 55:4 says, “I am frightened inside; the terror of death has attacked me” (NCV).
Stage 2: Anger
People get angry at God, at doctors, at their family, and even at themselves. They might say, “Why is this happening to me? It’s not fair!” like in Psalm 39: “I became very angry inside, and as I thought about it, my anger burned. So I spoke: ‘Lord, tell me when the end will come and how long I will live. Let me know how long I have’” (Psalm 39:3-4 NCV).
Stage 3: Bargaining
People say things like, “God, if you’ll just let me live a little bit longer I promise to . . . ” They try to bargain with God so they can keep living. But the Bible says, “No one can keep from dying or put off the day of death” (Ecclesiastes 8:8 GNT). And Psalm 49:8-9 says it like this: “You can never pay God enough to stay alive forever and safe from death” (CEV).
Stage 4: Depression.
In this stage, people may feel overwhelming sadness and want to give up. They feel depressed. The Message paraphrase says it like this: “I'm at the end of my rope, my life is in ruins. I'm fading away to nothing, passing away” (Psalm 109:22-23).
Stage 5: Acceptance
At this stage someone begins to think, “I may as well accept it and prepare for it. It’s going to be okay. I’m ready for whatever happens.” Psalm 31:14-15 says, “I am trusting you, O LORD, saying, ‘You are my God!’ My future is in your hands” (NLT).
Not everyone goes through all of these stages—and not everyone goes through them in order. But understanding the stages can help you recognize what someone you love may be experiencing as they face their own death. And understanding what they’re going through can help you draw closer and support them when they need you most.
Rick Warren is an innovative pastor, renowned author, and global influencer known for founding Saddleback Church, the Purpose Driven Network, the PEACE Plan, and Hope for Mental Health. He has written several best-selling books, including The Purpose Driven Life, which has sold over 35 million copies in 200 languages. Time magazine named Warren the most influential spiritual leader in America and one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Since stepping down from the lead pastor role at Saddleback in 2022, Warren has continued to inspire people through his Daily Hope Devotional and podcast Pastor Rick’s Daily Hope. His first book in a decade, Created to Dream, was released in April 2023.
For more Daily Hope with Rick Warren, please visit pastorrick.com!
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