I Can’t Control What They Think, Say, and Do - Encouragement for Today - September 15, 2026
I Can’t Control What They Think, Say, and Do
“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us” (2 Corinthians 5:20a, NIV).
I stood in the kitchen with my heart pounding in my chest. I felt dizzy as words from a hard phone call swirled around and around in my head.
I had long ago accepted that I couldn’t change this person even though I loved them deeply. I had drawn healthy boundaries. I had focused on the good in this person. I had kept my heart soft toward them while also being firm and standing my ground when I needed to. I had done all that — not perfectly but consistently enough that I was proud of the progress I had made. I had a newfound emotional stability when interacting with this person, and I really felt like I had surrendered them into God’s hands.
But this call with them sent me into a tailspin. They told me about a decision they were making, and I found myself right back in that panic, thinking if I didn’t step in and try to convince them to make a different decision, it could be a mistake that would haunt them for years to come.
Has this ever happened to you?
Let me gently say: It’s so understandable to find yourself in this vulnerable place with a friend, family member, or someone you truly want the best for. You love them, so of course you want things to be different. Of course you want to help.
Of course you have sometimes crossed the line from responsibly trying to help into trying to manage what is not within your ability to manage. You know what that’s called? Being a human who deeply loves another human.
But we know it’s not reasonable to continue trying to do what we are unable to do. So where do we go from here? And looking at our key verse, how do we handle all of this in a God-honoring way, representing His character at all times as “Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us” (2 Corinthians 5:20a)?
We go toward the truth. And the truth is: You and I can’t change how someone else thinks, but we can change how we respond. We can’t change the story they tell themselves, but we can better manage the story we tell ourselves. That’s what we can control. That’s where our agency is. That’s where we can put all our energy to good use.
I’ve learned that in order to do this, I must flip the script of statements I used to say that made me feel powerless and write new scripts that help me stay grounded in reality.
What I used to say: “I can’t believe this!”
Instead, I now say to myself: This seems pretty consistent with my previous experiences with this person. I can be sad about their actions, but I’m not shocked by them.
What I used to say: “They put me in such a bad mood!”
Instead, I now say to myself: I’m not going to give them the power to bring my mood down to the level of their chaos. I can feel hurt after interacting with them, but I don’t have to live hurt and carry their negativity into the rest of my day.
What I used to say: “I can’t stand to see them making this decision!”
Instead, I now say to myself: I will have to learn to endure seeing them make costly decisions and remember that their mistakes may be the very thing God uses to help them want to change for themselves. Or if not, I will need God’s help to accept what happens from here.
With each of these statements, I also have to make sure I’m not being motivated by retaliation or having an air of superiority. I’m not better than this person. I just want to handle my interactions better with them. And I’m not judging them. I’m accepting who they have proven themselves to be over and over.
Here’s what I know: Jesus calls me to be a representative of His peace in whatever situation I’m facing (John 20:21). And I want to reveal through my actions and reactions the fact that I spend time with Him, that I love Him, and that I honor Him.
Hoping to get peace naturally from someone who is constantly drawn to chaos is never going to work.
As hard as this is, when I make peace with the fact that I can’t control what other people think, say, and do, I’m then freed up to simply control myself. And you are too.
Jesus, when I feel overwhelmed by what I’m facing with someone I love, quiet my anxious thoughts and remind me that You are the One who carries the weight of outcomes. Help me live as Your ambassador, responding with Your peace instead of my fear or urgency. When I’m tempted to step in and take over, gently lead me back to what is mine to carry — faithfulness, wisdom, love, and trust — and what is Yours alone to handle. Anchor me in the truth that I am held by You, even when I feel powerless, and shape my responses so they reflect Your character. Make me a carrier of Your peace in every situation, not because everything is easy but because You are with me in it. In Jesus’ name, amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
While we know we can’t ultimately control everything, we still feel compelled, deep down, to keep trying. Because what if this time we actually can fix this, convince them, redirect the outcome, and prevent what we fear will happen? If you’re stuck in this cycle, Lysa TerKeurst wrote her new book, Making Peace with What I Can’t Control, for you. And it releases today! In these pages, Lysa will help you stop allowing the decisions of others to rob you of peace by learning what to do when you feel tempted to inappropriately intervene, rescue, or control the narrative. Order your copy now for a special release-day discount!
ENGAGE
Find everyday encouragement when you connect with Lysa TerKeurst here on Instagram.
FOR DEEPER STUDY
Colossians 3:15, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful” (NIV).
Look back at Lysa’s perspective-shift scripts, and write your own version of these. How does this exercise help bring a little more peace to your heart and mind in a hard relational situation you’re facing? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
