November 27, 2017
Trusting God to Write Your Story
Friend to Friend
There I sat, terrified and confused, in a row of church chairs. Awaiting my surgery the next morning, knowing that I had a hemorrhaged tumor in my head. I didn’t know if everything was going to be OK, and I didn’t understand it. People gathered around me, prayed for me, tried to keep me distracted, but I felt numb. As though my whole world had simply stopped spinning.
My friend at church whispered to me, “God doesn’t give a story like this to just anyone.”
Fast forward a year and a half, and there I laid, numb and silent, in my parents’ bed. For days. I just couldn’t shake the news. I was going to be a mom and then . . . I wasn’t. There was nothing I could do to change it, and I couldn’t believe it.
People would come and go, say words that I didn’t really hear, nor would I remember. And I remained mostly silent. One day a friend climbed on top of the bed with me, with tear-filled eyes, and again the words were spoken to me: “This is part of your story now.”
But I didn’t want it to be.
I had written out a story for our lives and this wasn’t part of it. It didn’t include the loss of a baby and a brain tumor all before the ripe age of 22. This isn’t what I dreamed of when I was a little girl. It’s not what I ever hoped or prayed for.
But it’s my story.
I had carefully laid out my plans. I had dreams for our future on our wedding day. I had crafted the perfect path in my head.
But I’m not the author.
And so, sometimes I just have to take that tight grasp I have on my dreams, and let go. Even when it hurts, even when I only want to grasp tighter to my carefully laid plans—on the good days, the bad days, and everything in between.
If I truly trust God with my life, that means I trust him with every aspect. Each and every word, sentence, and chapter. Even when I feel like I can’t bear to flip the page and see what happens next. Even when I think the next page is going to be wonderful and it turns out to be downright awful.
It’s all part of what makes our faith so scary and yet so beautiful. And because of our faith in Christ, we know that in the end he will redeem all of the scary and seemingly hopeless patches.
Even though I’ve been through some tough times, I love looking back and seeing what God has already brought me through. The hopeless times. The tiring times. The exciting times. Because the truth is, though many of these chapters haven’t been what I had always hoped for, a lot of them are filled with blessings I also didn’t deserve.
I remember a couple days after I found out about my miscarriage and was deep in the pit of grief and decisions, my grandpa showed up for a surprise visit. And I’m glad he did, because his words still ring true with me—“there are better days ahead, kiddo.”
Three months later I got that positive pregnancy test, and I then faced a scary pregnancy full of tests and hospital visits. But today, as I write this, I watch the baby monitor and see my sweet baby boy sleep. My healthy, 16-month-old little blessing, who wouldn’t be here had I not gone through the past few years of trial after trial. And I am thankful for him all the more because of it.
You see, in this life you will wander through phases that are difficult, and phases that are absolutely beautiful. So if you’re in the midst of a rough patch, keep trudging on. It gets better. God does have better days ahead for you. Just trust Him.
Lord, some phases of life can be difficult and feel so hopeless, while others are so full of joy. I pray that You would strengthen me through the hard times, and that I would praise You in the good times. I pray that through it all, no matter what, I will boldly place my life in Your hands and trust that You will bring everything together for your good.
In Jesus’ Name,
Now It’s Your Turn
What helps you get through the tough seasons in life? Do you have any particular Scriptures that have been encouraging for you?
More from the Girlfriends
I got married in 2012, at the age of 19, and found that marriage didn’t come as easily as I thought it would! My mom had been married over 20 years and felt the same way. Out of this, our marriage ministry, Nitty Gritty Love, was born. We blog about the tough things we face as wives, and how the Gospel should shape our marriages. We’re currently working on our first devotional.
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