When Kindness Has Conditions - iBelieve Truth: A Devotional for Women - April 29, 2026
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!” Galatians 5:22-23 (NLT)
Several years ago, I read a Christian Living book centered on the difference between social niceness and Christian kindness.
Often, we, myself included, tell children and remind adults to “Just be nice,” but is “nice” truly what we mean?
Do we want our children to merely force a smile, fake graciousness, and walk away from a conversation, rolling their eyes in frustration or disgust? Is that the bare minimum we should expect from ourselves as maturing believers?
Being nice is playing a social game, forcing a temporary burst of politeness to meet the mark for public decency.
Kindness isn’t so short-lived, though. It’s not a front to save face and uphold an outward image. And it’s certainly not culture’s current command to “Choose kindness,” better known as disregarding other people’s sins.
Rather, kindness is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s God in us, working through us, and relentlessly making us more like Him. Truthfully, kindness can be uncomfortable because it will always ask more of us than we are capable of giving in our flesh.
Kindness that digs deeper and takes root in our hearts, no matter who we interact with, is a gift from our holy, perfect Father. If we choose kindness, we must choose constant communication with God. We can’t exhibit sustaining kindness apart from a relationship with Him.
Thus, kindness can’t have conditions. It won’t pick and choose whom to love. It will simply be God in us as we interact with others.
Now, don’t get me wrong—kindness is more than uncomfortable at times. Kindness can be hard, even frustrating, when we deal with people who aren’t our cup of tea.
But again, kindness is about God’s eternal, unconditional love in us as believers. It’s more than a temporary game of fake smiles. It’s a habitual decision to return to the heart of God when our flesh wants to treat someone with anger, hostility, or disdain.
This doesn’t mean we will perfectly master love and generosity in these sinful bodies. However, if we are pursuing God-ordained kindness, it will convict us and force us to turn to God when all we want to muster is niceness.
I challenge you to take inventory of your heart, especially when it comes to difficult people. Do you play the game, grinning and bearing their presence until you can gossip about them later… You know, when you’re “just venting” about how annoying they are, but your heart knows it’s something more destructive than venting?
What about the people you can’t even be nice to? The ones whose presence makes your blood boil? Do you let these emotions take hold and dictate your actions? Or do you find yourself turning to God and asking Him to take control of your heart and mind, allowing His mercy and grace to guide how you interact with them?
Friend, I’m only preaching to the choir. There are several people in my life with whom I have a hard, hard time extending any grace. And if I’m being honest, most times, I fail miserably at extending them anything more than basic niceness. But I feel the Spirit’s conviction.
It’s in these moments of conviction that I can make a decision: to force my sin nature to die or allow selfishness to win. Because of the Holy Spirit’s presence in my heart, I have this freedom to choose, so why not honor God’s mercy and grace by choosing more than social niceties and choosing kindness that changes the heart and loves like Christ?
Let’s pray:
God, in a culture that always encourages us to “Choose kindness,” may we choose your definition of the word. May we do more than the bare minimum and, instead, treat others with the same love, mercy, and grace that you extend to us each day. Convict us where we neglect this fruit of the Spirit and grant us your power to rebuke the shallow game of niceties and to step into the kindness that can be frustrating, awkward, and miserably hard.
Let us remember where you brought us from and let this remembrance stir our hearts to be all you have called us to be. In your holy name, Jesus, Amen.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Drazen Zigic
