Choosing to Respond in Gentleness When Our Words Are Challenged - iBelieve Truth - April 17, 2024
“Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 2:25
As a graduate student, I was required to interact online with a group of students in one of our communication courses on various posted topics. Years later, I received an email from one of the grad students in this group, telling me she forgave me for what she considered a curt response I gave her during one of the discussions years ago.
To say I was surprised is to say the least, as I had no idea when this happened, or even the topic we discussed. It was an awful feeling to discover that my response in the thread had come across as hurtful to her, and even worse, that it had stayed with her all these years following.
Of course, I sincerely apologized, letting her know how unaware I was of this occurring, and how it had not been my intention to be hurtful towards her, still having no recollection of the occurrence.
After mulling over the situation in my memory, like Scripture encourages (2 Corinthians 13:5), it was vital for me to examine myself to see if I had been careless with my words. However, without the transcript of the discussion, there was no way to verify.
I also wondered if my thoughts on the topic came across differently than intended, or if maybe we just didn’t agree in the discussion, and she took my not agreeing with her as personal rather than directed at the topic.
Additionally, in my graduate program, I was assigned to do a research study with a group of students on the reliability of text and email in accurately communicating messages. Our findings concluded that it’s the absolute worst form of communication because it lacks tone and can come across in erroneous ways.
When it comes to how to correct these misunderstandings, we came to the conclusion that numerous emojis, inserted into the text and emails are necessary to help convey the right tone and meaning. Without them, individuals usually come to conflicting interpretations of the same message.
How sad to think that nowadays, this is the primary form of communicating in the world through social media posts. As a writer, I understand that the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is untrue because words can and do hurt others deeply.
Likewise, when expressing our opinions on social media, whether just stating a thought, belief, or response to someone else’s post, our words have the capability to be misunderstood. It happens all the time that someone seems to be thoughtfully trying to post something or respond to a post, only to be challenged and belittled for their words.
As Christians, we have a calling to be gentle to our opponents in the hopes they’ll repent and come to Christ, which is challenging to stay the least amid a heated online discussion.
Sometimes, the more we try to clarify what we’re trying to communicate, the more it stirs up our opponents. As well, some individuals are just looking for a reason to get upset and rant.
Thankfully, when the person being challenged doesn’t play the game of exchanging volatile words but rather responds in a gentle tone, the discussion often cools down and tends to fizzle out.
Proverbs 15:1 reminds us: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
We’re especially urged, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
As well, Colossians 3:8 encourages, “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”
Instigating fights is a tool of the devil, so like James 4:7 instructs, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
Let’s Pray:
Dear Father,
Help me to respond with gentleness to those who oppose or challenge my words, whether in person or on social media. Guard my heart from lashing out when challenged, and give me words to speak that will calm hearts and extinguish fury in others.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Photo Credit: ©Andrew Neel/Unsplash
Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.
Related Resource: I Am the Way, the Truth, and the Life | Midweek Prayer (John 14:1–6)
When our hearts feel troubled, Jesus invites us to trust Him again.
This short midweek prayer creates space to pause, breathe deeply, and return to Jesus’s words in John 14:1–6, where He says, “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” In this guided prayer, we acknowledge the places where worry, uncertainty, or longing have unsettled our hearts and bring them honestly before God.
Jesus reminds us that we are not alone—that He is with us, that He is preparing a place for us, and that He will return for us. As we pray, we ask for help to trust Him more deeply and to follow Him in the way He has already made clear: to love God fully and to love our neighbors as ourselves.
Take a few quiet minutes to slow down, listen for God’s invitation, and rest in the presence of the One who leads us in truth and life. If you like what you hear, follow So Much More on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!
