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Can You Little-Blue-Pill Your Way to a Better Marriage? - I Do Every Day - November 27, 2020

  • 2020 Nov 27

Can You Little-Blue-Pill Your Way to a Better Marriage?
By Ed Uszynski

It seems “little blue pill” commercials only come on our TV when one of my kids is sitting with me.

Tonight, all four kids are here with Amy and me as one begins.

And here comes the 9-year-old.

“Dad, what are those … some kind of candy?”

The more-informed turn toward me in joyous anticipation.

“You know what Trey … why don’t you go empty the garbage?”

Besides the family discomfort, I always catch a whiff of phoniness in those commercials, as though I could little-blue-pill my way to a better marriage.

Don’t get me wrong. If there are genuine physiological problems going on, this pill is a gift from God. But having a ready-for-sex relationship takes more than a magic pill—even if you really need it.

“Husbands, love [Greek: agape] your wives as Christ loved [agaped] the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, emphasis and notes added).

Agape means to unconditionally do what’s best for my wife, regardless of what it costs or what I get in return.

We agape because that’s our special calling and privilege as men within the confines of marriage, the little stuff every day that winds up measuring the quality of our love. It’s a “special” calling because agape helps me become what I wouldn’t otherwise become on my own.

Now, any good marriage book describes how agape can also act as a natural aphrodisiac, but that’s not the point. We don’t agape to get sex.

(Though it’s definitely true that even with a medicine-cabinet full of blue pills, it’s agape that creates an environment for ever actually needing them.)

Guessing for most of us, the problem isn’t faulty anatomy—it’s faulty love. I need supernatural help more than medical enhancement.

So ... yeah. If your body needs them they are a little like candy, but the best candy of all is learning how to agape-love your wife.

That’ll preach.

It’ll also wipe all the greedy little grins off those faces waiting for me to explain that pill...

Husbands, how does Jesus love His bride?

The Good Stuff: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. (Song of Solomon 1:2)

Action points: Ask your spouse specifically: “What’s one way I could love you unconditionally? What’s one typical circumstance when I’m really not acting as that safe place for you?” Listen without defensiveness—and choose to act.

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