When the Roles Are Reversed - Crosswalk Couples Devotional - February 2
When the Roles Are Reversed
By: Vivian Bricker
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)
“Our roles are reversed.” This was a common saying I heard my dad say throughout my life. From the time I was a little kid until the present day, I still hear my dad say this phrase; however, it is now in the past tense. Whenever my dad says this phrase, I get upset, to be completely honest. I try my best to remain calm and say nothing, but sometimes I slip and attempt to communicate the true biblical roles of a husband and a wife, but often to no avail.
My dad did not work during my life. My mom was the primary breadwinner, and she worked 24/7. This left her easily agitated and irritable. Whenever my mom would try to encourage my dad to get a job or share her struggles, he would tell her that their roles were reversed. She was providing for the family as a dad would, and he was “Mr. Mom.” The only problem was that my mom was providing for the family, but she was also being a mom.
While I have forgiven my dad now, I can’t help but think of how things would be different if he had just done the right thing. My dad is an author who has written many published books. If you are familiar with the world of writing, you know that book sales don’t pay much. Unless you are the next J. K. Rowling, there is not much of a career in being a writer. Sadly, most writers do not achieve this level of success.
Writing should be encouraged, but it also needs to be paired with a full-time job. This is what my mom needed my dad to do, yet it never happened. My mom worked every day up until her ten-day stay at the hospital, when she passed away in the Intensive Care Unit. As someone who had been there from the beginning, I wished my dad had helped my mom; maybe she would still be here today.
Sometimes roles are reversed in marriage, but they don’t need to be an escape. If a dad is not earning money and providing for the family, then he needs to fully assume the dad-mom role. He needs to be there for his kids, take them to school, pick them up from school, take them to sports practices, take them to friends’ birthday parties, take them to doctor appointments, do the laundry, cooking, cleaning, and everything else moms normally have to do. This is quite a challenge to undertake; men need to know that if they don’t work, they will have to be more involved to truly help their wife and children.
My dad showed very little interest in me, and my mom didn’t have time to spend with me due to her extensive work schedule. I was left in a weird position where I couldn’t find solace in either of my parents. If you are a husband or wife today and feel that your roles have been reversed, I would say that you and your spouse need to turn to the Lord in prayer. Both of you also need to thoroughly review the situation. What is going on? What needs to change? Is this going to be long-term?
Your children will bear the brunt of reversed roles. It is essential to recognize the potential damage that can be inflicted upon them. Children need both their mom and their dad. God didn’t create the family unit to be based only on one parent. Your children need you to work through this issue and bring God glory through your marriage, even if that might be hard.
Paul tells us, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Ephesians 5:33). This passage of Scripture truly hits home with the topic at hand. As Paul says, every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife is to respect her husband. Husbands, how can you honestly say you love your wife if you are not providing for her? Wives, how can you be respectful of your husband if you are holding a grudge against him?
Husbands and wives, think about these issues at hand. Work through matters with the Lord and allow Him to change your hearts. Changes will occur, but these are essential. Listen to one another, pray for one another, and truly love one another. Remember, you are a team, and God has brought you two together. You can work through anything with the help of God.
“Dear God, my spouse and I have switched roles. Please help us to follow You in our marriage and to bring glory to You. This current situation is not going well, and I need Your help. Please help my spouse to work with me as we navigate these changes; help them to be receptive to change. Thank You, Amen.”
Related Resource: Tried and True: Marriage Advice from 12 Imperfect Biblical Couples
Tried and True is a marriage guide for couples facing pressure—disappointment, unmet expectations, seasons of delay, or conflict. Drawing from twelve flawed biblical couples, this book helps you understand what your trials are revealing—and how God can use them to strengthen your covenant and. your connection. To learn more, visit https://danache.com/tried-and-true-book/.
