THE COST PART II
“Father, if I would have known the cost of the ministry and the cost of the doctorate program, and the price me and my family would paid, especially my family, I would not have done it,” I said with tears in my eyes.
I would have been fine if it was just me who was paying a high price, but what was really breaking my heart was the price my family was paying. I was at the end of my rope. No funding, no work, no way to make ends meet. I had no encouragement or hope left for anyone. Rations and Devotions were going to be due for June, a big project was due again, and bills were due again. I was done – spent, and beyond exhausted. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I didn’t want to complain and I sure didn’t want anyone judging me by what they thought they knew of me and my circumstances.
God had already assured me that I couldn’t even judge myself justly so how could someone else judge me justly. He told me once that everyone judges. He reminded me that I incorrectly judge or make assumptions about people by what I think I know about them so I don’t need to be “aghast” when people, especially those close to me, do the same to me. I am not to be moved by human error, emotion, or judgments. I am to trust Him for all things, especially His righteous ability to know my heart and to judge me justly. But since God has assigned me the role of bearing my heart in these devotions, I will share with you my struggles in this devotional because He has assured me that someone out there can relate.
At this particular juncture in my journey, I was to the point where I knew to be quiet for fear I’d yell at someone for saying something ignorant, judgmental, or seemingly encouraging to me in the midst of my trails. Have you ever been there? Have you ever been “just done”? I know that when I get to this point, I need to be very still, very quiet and very earnest as I seek God for His strength and wisdom. Besides, I didn’t need a mere word from someone. I didn’t need them to try to figure out what couldn’t be figured out this side of Heaven anyway. I needed to be thankful for all things and to go to God. I needed to trust God to do what only He could do for me and my family.
God spoke through my tears and said, “Jesus knew in advance the price He would pay and He did it anyway. You say that if you’d known the cost you wouldn’t have done it. This is why I didn’t tell you the cost. I don’t tell you the cost you will pay because you would shrink back in exhaustion and fear before you even took one step. Instead, I give you an assignment and then I give you sufficient grace each moment and each day to carry it through to completion. And besides, you know that it is not you who carries it – but I who carries it for you, through you, and to others. It is my love that fuels and restores you second by second. So, in response to your comment, I know that you would not have done it had you known the cost - which is the very reason I didn’t tell you. Consider the fact that Jesus knew the entirety of the cost, and He paid it anyway.”
Humbly yet boldly united with you in love,
Kristina Seymour loves to encourage and equip women through the Word and through community. She is the author of The Warrior Mom Handbook, The Warrior Mom Leadership Manual, and The Warrior Wife Handbook; they are available at Amazon.com. Kristina's Bible studies are for women who desire to live by faith in the midst of their everyday lives. She has learned that women can't survive on caffeine and animal crackers alone; women in the Word and in community are united and able to stand firm. To learn more about Kristina, please visit her recently founded Share & Company Publishing House http://seymourkristina.wix.