5 Efforts Wives Want Their Husbands to Make
Family life requires a group effort. Gone are the days when Dad worked 9-5 p.m. and came home to recline on the couch, expecting a homemade meal and a night of relaxation. Marriage, kids, and the whole 'shebang' in the modern world need to be a team sport, as there is so much to be done to keep and care for a family.
Men are becoming increasingly involved in family life, but research tells us that women still carry more than their fair share of the load in their homes. The Journal of Marriage & Family reveals that mothers of the home take responsibility for most of the "mental load" in the house. Some significant findings from their study note that mothers take care of 71% of the household tasks that require mental effort, while fathers handle about 45% of these tasks. Moms complete about 79% of cleaning and childcare, about twice as much as dads. Dads more frequently overestimate their contributions to the home than moms do.
Some work still needs to be done to create an equitable partnership as husband and wife in our homes. Some of the barriers to working more as a team include gender stereotypes that continue to keep men less engaged in the planning and caring of the house. Also, busy schedules make having clear communication about what needs to be done and how you can work together to complete those tasks more challenging.
Often, mom is the point person for all things involving children, such as managing kids' education, social calendars, extracurriculars, medical needs, and more. Mothers carry more mental load because we are the first person contacted to manage the many details of our families' lives. It takes a lot of effort to ensure that mothers aren't the only ones meeting their families' needs.
There are practical ways husbands can take on more household tasks and help manage the family's calendar alongside Mom.
1. Engage in Household Chores Alongside Your Family
1. Engage in Household Chores Alongside Your Family
Husbands need to know what is required to keep the home tidy and should be involved in its upkeep. If our wife has cooked dinner, you should be the one to help clean up after dinner, or have a system to distribute the chores across the household, especially if you have older kids. Other home maintenance tasks should be taken care of by the team.
At our house, the kids rotate on dish duty every day, and one night, my husband is on duty, too. I generally do the cooking since I am working at home. My husband cares for the lawn, house maintenance, trash, laundry, and tidying up with me at the end of the day because I don't like waking up to a mess. I clean the whole house once a week with the help of the kids.
Overall, we both understand who is expected to contribute to home upkeep in what way. If one of us is unable to complete their normal tasks, the other can step in. If I've had a crazy week and didn't get to cleaning the bathrooms, my husband does not hesitate to grab the cleaner and get after it. As I say to my kids, we all live here and must help keep our space tidy so we can continue to enjoy our home together.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/MoMo Productions
2. Be Involved with the Kids
2. Be Involved with the Kids
Dad should never be considered a babysitter. He is equally responsible and capable of taking care of the kids. If that does not feel true in your home, it's time to make some changes. I know that as moms, we have ways we prefer things done and are protective of our babies, but Dad's way is just as beneficial to your children. Sometimes, we have to let go so Dad has some space to figure out his way as a parent.
My husband and I were piecing together our income when our kids were young. I worked nights and weekends, and he worked during the day. This meant we swapped time caring for our babies and toddlers. This wasn't easy, but it helped us both realize that we each had our preferred way of caring for the kids and were more than capable of meeting all their needs. Now I never hesitate to leave my kids if it's for work, for a mental break, or a weekend getaway. My husband is fully capable of caring for all of our kids, and in many ways, he is better at it than I am, at least he is more fun than I am.
Setting the precedent that we both are fully engaged in childcare in our home has been vital for our success, as our family has continued to grow. Now, as the primary parent at home, my husband steps up in the evenings whenever he can so I can unwind. He often completes the bedtime routine, which is my least favorite part of the day, and he enjoys sharing it with our kids. Find what rhythm works for you, but husbands are equally necessary and valuable as you and your wife do the hard work of raising your kids.
I will add that husbands, you can even help feed those babies in the night so your wife can get some rest! Have that bottle prepped and ready, and make sure your wife has a chance to recover before her sanity is lost when you are raising a growing baby.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Olga Pankova
3. Get Involved with Groceries, Meal Prep, and Household Management
3. Get Involved with Groceries, Meal Prep, and Household Management
There is so much that goes into feeding the family. I cannot tell you how often I go to the grocery store in just one week. Additionally, we spend a small fortune feeding our kids. Meal planning, grocery shopping, budgeting, considering everyone's dietary needs and preferences, and doing this for at least three meals a day, seven days a week, is a lot.
Husbands step in and help lighten the load. Pick a week to do all the planning, shopping, and cooking, or even do just one of those three things for your wife to give her a break. Choose some meals from the week you 'own' so your wife can get a break. Typically, in our house, it's weekend meals my husband cooks for the family. I do look forward to not making breakfast on Saturday morning.
In addition to food, see how you can help with other household management chores such as stocking toiletries, cleaning supplies, clothing for the family, and other essentials. It takes considerable effort to ensure everyone has what they need for life, especially in the back-to-school season. See what errands you can run to help this process go a bit more smoothly.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Oscar Wong
4. Communicate and Get Involved with the Family Calendar
4. Communicate and Get Involved with the Family Calendar
Many times, husbands aren't involved in the nitty gritty of the family calendar because they don't ask enough about what is going on to really be able to help manage these considerations. Take time to check in daily to see what the family needs, and have regular discussions about what is coming up monthly and weekly.
If possible, have areas that you each own rather than Mom owning everything. For example, my husband owns all the logistics, calendar commitments, and communications for our kids' soccer and private school. He copies me on the exchanges and informs me of the important dates, but I am not responsible for any other communication regarding these commitments.
It's truly amazing how much one has to juggle as a parent! My son joked today that I am basically a part-time personal assistant to all my children, constantly managing their different commitments and friendships. He is not wrong. It's super easy for Mom to become the only contact and orchestrator for every part of the kids' lives, but this is a huge burden for one person. Be intentional about sharing the load.
5. Prioritize Seeing and Loving Your Wife
5. Prioritize Seeing and Loving Your Wife
The heart of this is doing all you can to see and love your wife well. In our society, women default to taking on a lot of responsibility in the home and outside the house, too! Your job is not to take her and her many talents and sacrifices for granted. Praise her, make time for her, and appreciate her.
Ask her what she needs, and don't grumble when her answer is for you to take out the trash. Sometimes, trash duty is the most romantic thing you can do for your wife. A vibrant marriage takes two people dedicated to doing all of life together as much as possible. While we may have different schedules, caring for our families, each other, and our home is our shared responsibility. Embrace your place as a servant leader as a husband.
We all have work to do to pay the bills, but don't let that be all-consuming. Be intentional about loving your family well through your work and by being fully engaged as a partner, spouse, and father.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/StefaNikolic
Originally published August 04, 2025.
