6 Ways Stress Is Damaging to the Church (and How to Correct It)

Most stress in church culture and relationships involves unresolved conflicts. Resolving conflict differs from forgiveness. According to Jesus’ teachings, forgiving and reconciling should work together, but often they remain separate, stress-creating issues. When we are hurt or wronged, the Bible commands us to be peacemakers—that is, offense reconcilers. Peace talks are complicated negotiations; the participants must listen and understand each other’s perspectives. Learning to live in peace requires solving conflict, not avoiding it or silencing it. Unresolved church conflict can stem from dysfunctional leadership, a culture of powerlessness, a lack of empathy, the inability to correct or critique one another, an avoidance of expressing hurt, a fear of rejection, or many other toxic scenarios. Identify the conflict first and fix it; then root out the reason it existed.

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:22-25).

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Stress in relationships forms when we hurt one another (intentionally or unintentionally). We are probably all aware that not forgiving one another dooms us to carry the weight of bitterness and resentment. Messages about the power of forgiveness abound in sermons, books, podcasts, and social media. But all of us who have forgiven great wrongs know that forgiveness is not an act of the will. Forgiveness depends on the Holy Spirit’s control in your life. If you’re having trouble forgiving, you are probably stressed from carrying the weight alone. Keep giving it to the Lord. Forgiveness comes from developing a humble and contrite spirit before the Lord.

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’” (Matthew 18:21-22).  ^“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

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Idolatry creates a stressful church environment. Graven images, saints, and tombs represent some of the more obvious symbols of idol worship, but Western Evangelicalism has idolized many images in the pursuit of building the Church. Modern church leaders and their churches compare themselves to one another on the basis of wealth, celebrity, beauty, awards, success (church size and programs), and even pastors and systems. Whenever we allow a program or leader to be placed on a pedestal of untouchability and admiration, we have idolized the created object over the Creator.

You can find your church’s idols easily: just challenge, cancel, or change a program or methodology; hold your leaders accountable for their attitudes and actions. Watch for the reactions. Those with pure motives will manifest the fruit of the Spirit—like patience, humility, joy, and peace; idolatrous motives manifest demonic “deeds of the flesh”—like discord, jealousy, factions, and ambition. (Galatians 5:19-26). Remember that unhealthy stress produces negative thoughts, emotions, and behavior. So if sinful behavior emerges from you or someone else, it’s a sign that the devil is in control.

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As sin becomes offensive and absolute truth morphs into “political correctness,” the Church faces both opposition and opportunity. We can reflect God’s glory or fade into the darkness of societal expectations. In Jesus’ day, the Pharisees tried to corner Jesus into misspeaking on moral and political issues; Jesus never took their bait. He remained steadfast to God’s commands and to his mission. In the same way, our church leaders and we must care more about God’s instruction to live holy lives that are pleasing to him (Psalm 19:14) in “an unbelieving and perverse generation” (Matthew 17:17).

The world’s stance on sin, creation, gender, salvation, Jesus, marriage, sex, parenting, and personal holiness has continued to change throughout every culture and generation. According to God’s command, we must compare ourselves to God’s standard (perfect holiness), not against the shifting standards of our time. Separation from the world begins with a heart of worship for a holy God, not through a prescribed set of standards or a political manifesto.

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A church culture that celebrates performance, perfectionism, and good works becomes a place of comparison, insecurity, and exhaustion. Anxiety and jealousy will certainly reign. However, a church following the Spirit of God reflects the Spirit’s peace, comfort, and confidence in its climate and its relationships. “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans” (Romans 8:26). 

When our work and rest are out of balance, especially over long periods of time, we will feel overwhelmed by stress and anxiety. Church cultures often contain a toxic approach to work and rest. Busyness is confused for spiritual service; restoration is labeled as a weakness or a mental health crisis. These misjudgments come directly from the devil, who is always perverting what God has created for good. God made us to live in perfect peace with him. No striving. No comparing. No pressure. 

You can spot the red flags for a work/rest imbalance in your church by looking at who’s judged and who’s celebrated. Are the pastors revered for working long hours for little pay? Does leadership value performance over character? Is the church’s “in crowd” the ones who do everything? Do people speak negatively about anyone who is overwhelmed or honest about their mental health? 

Jesus calls us to join him in his work; he does not offer to join us in our work. He said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest…. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28, 30). Heavy stress indicates that we are not doing Jesus’ work, Jesus’ way.

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Without developing a suspicious attitude about everyone, understand that people of influence and ambition (they could be leaders or congregants) will spin or distort the truth to sway public opinion toward themselves (perhaps through initiatives, programs, or friendships). The more systematic and bureaucratic a church is, the more complicated and nuanced the communication is. Boards and financial decisions can transfer heavy stress, simply through the nature of presenting, persuading, and voting on initiatives. 

Constitutional systems did not exist in the early church of the New Testament. Spiritual authority, not corporate hierarchy, operated in cooperation with the Holy Spirit. Apostles made corrections simply and unapologetically. They denounced sin and explained the truth. Although spiritual enemies launched smear campaigns against Paul and the other apostles, the apostles never retaliated in kind; they focused instead on the mission: make disciples and make disciple-makers (Matthew 28:19-20). 

Much of our church communication today involves creating positive publicity for social media, minimizing scandals, and creating content that is biblical yet non-offensive. If your church has an undercurrent of propaganda, gaslighting, blaming, or spinning personal narratives, your church embodies a culture of ambition, self-preservation, insecurity, and unconfessed sin. This climate produces false prophets and teachers, who devastate and orphan their congregants (common terms for this are church hurt and spiritual abuse). 

Wherever complete truth is suppressed, lies always appear to be true, and many people must work to keep the lies believable. You can look at any example of a church scandal, and you will find a culture of isolated, unaccountable leaders, spiritually immature followers, and most likely, a few people who covered up the sin or pretended it wasn’t happening. 

Honest communication requires continual wisdom and humility. Without holy meekness from the top down, stress will dominate a church culture. “But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves” (2 Peter 2:1).

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Each of these Scriptural mandates assumes the power of the Holy Spirit for its success. No one can determine to love and care for their enemies and their combatants without an ongoing spiritual transformation by God’s Spirit. The tender and tedious process of learning how to care and support one another is the full gospel—living proof that Jesus Christ makes us all “new creations” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

1. Work out your differences compassionately. “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-25).

2. Love one another by granting forgiveness. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

3. Shift your mindset to the spiritual realm. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will” (Romans 12:2).

4. Starve sin. “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry” (Colossians 3:5)

5. Pray about everything. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

6. Test all communication against God’s truth. “Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world” (1 John 4:1). 

Probably the most detrimental Christian ideology is the assumption that stress is beneficial, normal, desired, and even essential for success in the ministry of the gospel. We must abolish all unhealthy stress by taking intentional action to live and walk in the Spirit of God, to value what God values, and to love who God loves.

“Jesus replied: ‘ “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.’ ” (Matthew 22:37-40).

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