A Candid Conversation with a Christian Living with Same-Sex Attraction
-
![]()
- Published Aug 26, 2022
We see the significant changes in culture all around us, the LGBTQ movement has been surrounding our society today. Church denominations are splitting over this issue. I recently sat down over lunch with a few new acquaintances. One of them opened up about what life is like for a Christian who struggles with what he referred to as SSA (Same-sex attraction). I want to share with you what I learned and took away from the words that were said. Here is more about a candid conversation with a Christian living with same-sex attraction.
Learning to Listen
Sitting there at the table was a freeing place to be. I was across from a guy who loved Jesus, believed in the Bible, and yet was open about a struggle that he had since middle school. He did not sugarcoat that his journey had been easy, but he had great hope and peace knowing that He had salvation in Christ. Working with a lot of young people, this is not only a struggle for some of them, it is a trend among the masses. Being sexually open and explorative has become popular. This young man, in his bravery and boldness, opened up about his genuine battle with SSA.
One of the best things that we as believers can do is to take time to listen to people like him. We will never learn of another’s battle if we do not ask questions, be quiet and listen. We so often want to jump in with advice and with our opinions, but if we are ever going to have genuine understanding, we have to open our ears to hear.
Love Drew Him In
The young man shared about his journey. He had been a Christian from a young age and began to deal with this temptation in middle school. As he grew up, he had a lot of wrestling. When he went to college, he was very welcomed and loved by a campus ministry. They all were authentic about their own struggles and created a space that helped him feel free to talk about his own. He felt safe there to share his genuine difficulties.
This is where the church has not always loved well in the past. The body of Christ has unfortunately either not known how to create spaces for people to share about SSA, ignored the struggle, or came off in condemning ways. I personally think that ignoring this demographic has not been intentional in all cases; however, it was something at the time that was not so prominent, so it was not addressed enough. What I was impressed with is that this group loved him well. This did not entail telling him that they told him to live out his attractions but that they loved him and were standing with him as He sought to live for the Lord. There is truth in love. Many times, we want to start with the truth, but we need to begin with love. All humanity is made in the image of God. We need to see people as people and welcome them into our friend groups, our churches, and our communities. As we read the Bible together and grow in our relationships, we can gently come alongside those who so desperately need to be welcomed in the Christian community.
More Than Just SSA
One particular statement that this young man said was that he is more than just someone who struggles with the sin of same-sex attraction. He is a sinner in many other areas. It is important to recognize just like we would love someone as a whole person and want others to see us as more than one particular sin, we need to start viewing people this way. What if all we thought was, “Oh, there is so and so, the alcoholic,” or “There is so and so, the worrier,” or “There is so and so, the bitter?” People who wrestle with same-sex attraction do not deserve to be put in a box of just that. They are still people with feelings, talents, and stories.
I will, however, say that this guy was a Christian who believed in the Bible and recognized his attraction as a sin. He knew that his identity was not gay but rather child of God. However, there are many people who we encounter who are not walking with God in this culture. They do put themselves into such a box. Their entire identity is wrapped around their sexual preferences. This is part of the battle when trying to minister and witness to people with this struggle. There is a desire from them to be affirmed in their sinful lifestyles, but we are called not to affirm this but to love them in truth.
How do we acknowledge that this is one area of a person’s life when the culture says it is their entire identity and who they are to the core? We show them Jesus. He said that someone was criticizing Jesus and Christianity who was connected to LGBTQ, and he asked, “Did Jesus die for the LGBTQ community?” Silence and pondering was the response. This is the attitude we, too, must have. Jesus came to die for all people. We see Him never condone sin, but He does welcome the sinner to come to Him for freedom and repentance. (John 4)
Church Leadership, Please Wake Up
One of my greatest concerns is for the church leaders of today. I am overwhelmingly heartbroken at the state of many denominations splitting over whether or not they believe homosexuality is ok. This is a pinnacle moment in history, and if a church decides to stand on anything other than the Word of God, it will fall. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness.”
Matthew 7:24-27 says, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
May the church body remember to trust God and His Bible. May we not build our houses on sand, but on the Rock who is Jesus. May our church communities be places that welcome those with any background or story. May we love so well and show Jesus’ great sacrifice so clearly that those in the LGBTQ community are drawn to us but not affirmed in their lifestyles. (Romans 1:24-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:8-10) Jesus loved well and spoke the truth. When you care about someone, you tell them the truth in a loving way. I pray that just like this young man I met found safety and encouragement from the Christian community, we can press into this more as this trend becomes more and more prevalent.
Lastly, this young man brought up how the apostle Paul had an unknown thorn in his flesh that he begged God to take away but He did not; yet, Christ’s power was made perfect in Paul’s weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:1-10) This guy recognized that SSA might be the thorn that the Lord has allowed in His life, but He can trust His loving Savior with it and even allow God to use Him to empathize and stand next to others who are walking with this same thorn. This is true loving Christian community and witness.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Hinterhaus Productions
