How to Get Rid of Bitterness in Your Life
- Jennifer Heeren Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
- Updated Dec 13, 2022
Ephesians 4:31 commands us to get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander. But how do we do this? The next line, Ephesians 4:32, tells us. It says to replace those behaviors with new ones: kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. This second set of characteristics is how God treats you. You should try and imitate Him.
Bitterness is very hard to get rid of because it’s so easy to justify our bitter reactions. We think, "But they did this to me, don’t I have the right to hold a grudge?"
Getting rid of all bitterness in our lives is a full-time job. We are always trying to justify our own reasoning. Bitterness constantly creeps into our lifestyle.
Job was a righteous man and didn’t deserve the plethora of bad things that happened to him. But Job wasn’t sinless. He urgently wanted to defend himself and express his anguish (Job 7:11). He was disgusted with his life and desired to complain freely. He said that his bitter soul must complain (Job 10:1).
Bitterness puts an ugly coat of paint on our lives and our heart. And scripture tells us to guard our heart above all else because it determines the course of our life (Proverbs 4:23).
What Is Bitterness?
Bitterness is defined as anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly, resentment, or envy. Bitterness can be outward, where it shows up as anger or rage. It can also be inward, where it shows up as self-pity or depression. Both are different sides of the same coin. Both should be avoided.
What Does the Bible Say about Bitterness?
Cain felt so much bitter jealousy toward his brother, Abel, that he murdered him (Genesis 4:1-18).
Rachel and Leah competed with one another in the game of who could have the most children. Leah was bitter that Jacob loved Rachel more than her. Rachel was bitter that Leah conceived first and more often (Genesis 29:31-35, 30:1-13).
Naomi’s husband died, leaving her alone with two sons. Her sons married, but ten years later, they both died. Naomi lost three family members that she loved (Ruth 1:3-5). Naomi told her two daughters-in-law that they should go away. There was no reason for them to stay with their mother-in-law. Naomi convinced one of them to go back to her hometown, but the other, Ruth, loved her and wanted to live with Naomi’s people for her life (Genesis 1:6-18). Even this loyalty didn’t soften Naomi’s bitterness. When they returned to Naomi’s hometown, she changed her name to Mara, which means bitter, because she said that the Lord made life very bitter for her (Ruth 1:20).
When we are bitter, we aren’t just bitter about other people, we are also bitter toward God. We tend to blame Him. We often say, “How could a good God allow me to go through such tragedy?”
Bitterness is something everyone needs to fight to diminish. Life isn’t fair, and every heart knows its own bitterness (Proverbs 14:10a). However, when we fight this tendency regularly and often, peace is the result.
4 Practical Ways to Avoid Bitterness
Repent – Look for any ounce of jealousy, envy, or self-pity that tries to plant seeds in your soul. When you notice these signs of bitterness creeping in, pray to the Lord to forgive you of these selfish longings. Any thoughts of “poor me” will never lead to righteous living.
Forgive – When someone offends you, be quick to forgive them. Unforgiveness is often at the root of bitterness. Release any need you may feel for revenge. God is the only one who can handle paybacks for sin. And remember that He forgave you of your many sins, so you must forgive others.
Control your Temper – Anger is an outward expression of bitterness. Pray to let God stop you from sudden outbursts. Self-pity is an inward expression of bitterness. It means that you are turning your anger onto yourself. Neither form of bitterness is helpful. Pray for God to allow you to avail yourself of more and more of His temperament: love, joy, peace, and self-control.
Look Outward – Spend time reading God’s Word and praying. Seek to be an imitator of Him and His love. Spend so much time seeking to live at peace with everyone that there isn’t as much time to be jealous or angry at them. Look for ways to help others instead of comparing yourself to them. Plant seeds of aromatic goodness instead of bitter roots that bring nothing but corruption.
Conclusion
At the end of each day, take a few moments to recall its events. Does anything you said or did leave a bitter taste in your mouth? If so, repent and ask the Lord’s forgiveness so you can start the next day with a clean slate. Living a bitter-free life is an ongoing adventure but one that is worth every minute you spend working toward it.
Getting rid of all bitterness is a tough job, but with God, it is possible.
Pray with Me
Dear Father God, You are so gracious and kind to me. Help me to act similarly when I’m dealing with other people. You forgive my sins and enable me to learn from them. You give me new, fresh mornings where I can begin again after I mess up. Help me to offer those same opportunities to others. You can help me relinquish myself of those bitter knots that tend to tangle up my heart and mind. In Jesus’s Name, I pray, Amen.
Photo Credit: Unsplash/Christian Fregnan
